Worst Romance Ever Written
by Princess of Ithilien
Summary: I'm making fun of all those Mary Sue stories. Basically, I'm writing about a Mary Sue who writes a Fanfiction about a Mary Sue who is conveniently in Middle Earth... bad things will happen! A cousin who tries to stop the Sue writer... R
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Don't even know WHERE this came from. Just an idea, I guess...

Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings, or any of the canon characters that I choose to torment. I do, unfortunately, own the Mary Sue, Rebecca Maria Elizabeth Carissa Lauren Jennifer Jacobson.

**Worst Romance Ever Written**

**Chapter 1 **

Rebecca Maria Elizabeth Carissa Lauren Jennifer Jacobson sat down at her computer desk, drumming her neon-pink fingernails against the wood. The computer screen held the familiar image of the Wordpad, the wonderful blank page where stories she had written, such as _Cute Guys and Cute Girls, _had come forth. She now had a new challenge: Fanfiction. She had just discovered it, and decided to give it a go. A friend of hers had suggested she add a wonderful romance to the Lord of the Rings section, so here she sat, waiting for the inspiration.

She turned her attention from the computer screen to the walls of her room, which were covered with pictures of Orlando Bloom. Rebecca Maria Elizabeth Carissa Lauren Jennifer Jacobson gazed adoringly at each picture, but especially those that depicted Orlando as Legolas. She flipped her slightly wavy, silky blond hair over her shoulder and sighed in ecstacy.Suddenly, a grin came to her perfect, full lips, and she turned back to her computer and started typing rapidly.

This story, Rebecca Maria told herself, would be beyond any story she had ever written. Not only would the main character be a gorgeous girl somewhat like herself, but the other main character would be Legolas, the hottest Elf ever, in her opinion.

She giggled with excitement as she typed; how happy she was that Fanfiction existed!

Within the hour she had finished the first chapter. She yawned with exhaustion and rose from her seat, making her way out of the room to find something to munch on, but not before letting her eyes rove over her Legolas posters.

She soon returned to her room, an apple in hand. She took a bite of it and began reading the first chapter of her story again.

_"Somebody help me! Please!" A young girl, only just fifteen, screamed out helplessly, her green-gray-blue-violet eyes searching the horizon desperately for a rescuer. Her face was lightly flushed and a bit dirty; her pure golden hair was slightly mussed._

_"Quiet, you!" Shouted an orc._

_The girl, whose name was Faith Marie Holt, struggled against the hold of the orc, screaming out again. A band of orcs had captured her in the woods, right after she had fallen into the strange land._

_Suddenly, in the distance, she saw a rider on a white horse, and a lone tear dropped down her porcelain cheek as she sighed with happy relief._

_The rider began shooting the band of orcs with arrows, and one by one they dropped, dead, until only two remained. The rider shot the one running orc, then quickly and gracefully dismounted, and ran at the remaining orc, who was carrying Faith, and proceeded to cut him down with his sword._

_He gathered Faith into his arms, as she was tired and weak. She looked up into the fair face and just knew- this was the famous Legolas of Mirkwood. She slumped against the Elf Prince, exhausted._

_"I'm so sorry, my lord," she gasped out, trying to stand on her own. She took a single step and fainted. Legolas simply swung her thin, petite body into his arms and mounted his horse with Faith before him._

_"Such a beauty!" He said to himself as he carefully galloped towards Rivendell. He looked down at the girl before him and sighed. "She is gorgeous!" He stroked her cheek softly, making sure his grip on her was strong. He hastened towards Rivendell, trying to jostle her as little as possible._

_Soon he arrived in the city. Many Elves rushed towards him in greeting, but stopped short when they saw his burden. "Get a healer!" many of them cried, for to let such a beauty go unattended would surely be a punishable crime. They carried Faith into a beautiful bedroom, decorated with-_

Rebecca Maria Elizabeth Carissa Lauren Jennifer suddenly stopped reading. She turned towards her door and heard it again-that insistent, annoying little pecking sound. John! Her pesky little brother!

She jumped out of her chair, saved the file for her story, and ran towards her door. She heard her little brother scamper off. Rebecca whipped her door open, only to find blue paint streaking the bottom half of the perfectly white door.

"John!" She screamed, though not too loud. It was the perfect type of scream, loud enough to be heard but soft enought to remain lady-like. She gracefully entered her brother's room and started punishing him in very unique ways, such as pulling out single hairs very slowly. But enough about her torture methods...

Back in her room, safe in her computer's memory, lay what Rebecca Maria Elizabeth Carissa Lauren Jennifer Jacobson would call her greatest story ever. And, perhaps, her last.

A/N: Not sure where this came from, but please review and tell me what you think of it!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! Replies at the bottom!

Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR. **If I did, would I really be morphing these characters so badly? I mean, it does pain me to make these wonderful canon characters act and speak like this...but...anyway...this chapter will be a bit short, as I'm pressed for time. But I'm sure all my readers will be glad of short chapters, considering the content, all the cheesinesss and sappiness...oh, it makes me sick...**

**Chapter 2**

The pretty, gorgeous, impossibly perfect Rebecca Maria Elizabeth Carissa Lauren Jennifer sat down at her computer desk, eagerly searching her list of files for her story. Ah! There it was! She clicked it open and scanned the print until she found where she had left off...

_Soon he arrived in the city. Many Elves rushed towards him in greeting, but stopped short when they saw his burden. "Get a healer!" many of them cried, for to let such a beauty go unattended would surely be a punishable crime. They carried Faith into a beautiful bedroom, decorated with the common Elvish designs and such, and carefully set her on the bed. They filed out, many of them hanging their heads in worry and distress._

_Legolas, too, had his head hung, worried about this perfect angel of a person. He sat on the edge of the bed while Lord Elrond examined her._

_"She will be alright?" He asked, his face the very picture of concern._

_Lord Elrond nodded. "Nothing wrong with her. She was just frightened by something, as far as I can tell. Tell me, Legolas, where did you find this fair maiden?" _

_"A band of orcs were carrying her somewhere. I killed them and rescued her." He replied. _

_Lord Elrond nodded, his face solemn as always. "Watch over her, Legolas. She may need it."_

_Legolas could barely keep from smiling, as the task which had been assigned to him was not in any way a burden. He stroked Faith's cheek, brushing back a stray lock of her silky golden hair. While she lay there, he remembered meeting her-how just seeing her among those orcs had made every hair on the back of his neck stand erect, how looking into her wonderful, extraordinary eyes, he had immediately fallen in love..._

_Legolas sat in her room all night, with an Elf or two coming in occasionally to check on the invalid. He even let a few of his tears fall, so afraid was he that Faith might die, despite all the assurances he received from everybody, including Lord Elrond._

Rebecca Maria gasped and grabbed a tissue, wiping her eyes and blowing her nose. This story was so sweet! Rebecca looked up at her posters and practically melted, imagining such a thing happening to her as was happening to her character Faith. She turned back to her story, her eyes eagerly drinking up the romantic essence of the story.

_The next morning, Faith woke to find Legolas sitting next to her on the bed, his eyes closed as if in deep thought. She shifted a little, yawned, and looked around. This is a strange place, she thought. In a moment Legolas opened his eyes, looked at her, and smiled. Relief shone in his eyes, and Faith smiled back._

_Legolas melted as much as an Elf can melt at the sight of her smile. Her teeth were pearly white and straight, her lips were full and red, and her green-gray-blue-violet eyes were shining with gratitude and admiration. If I wasn't in love before, Legolas thought, I certainly am now._

_"Are you feeling all right?" He asked, laying a hand on her shoulder._

_"Much better, thank you. Where am I?" Faith inquired, looking around her for a split second, as that was as long as she could bear to not look at Legolas._

_"In Rivendell, my lady." Legolas replied._

_"Oh!" She said._

_Legolas just smiled._

"Rebecca! Rebecca!" Rebecca Maria groaned as she heard her mother calling her. She tried to hurry and finish reading the chapter...

_Legolas bent closer to Faith, looking deep into her eyes, stroking her cheek, lowering his lips to hers..._

"Rebecca Maria Elizabeth Carissa Lauren Jennifer! You come here right now!"

Rebecca groaned and shut down her computer, getting up slowly and wishing that she could have just finished reading that single part! She walked out of her room, very miffed, and stalked down the stairs.

**A/N: Oh, gosh...this chapter was so hard to write! Ick! Especially all that sappy stuff...gag me! But, hey, the purpose of this story is to prove how DISGUSTING Mary Sues are... even if I die in the process, I shall prove it!**

**Replies to Reviewers: **

**Cowgirl4Christ: Yes, it should definitely be burned...especially the part of Rebecca's story in this chapter...but, hey, I'm making it very realistic, aren't I? I have some really good ideas for later chapters...but you'll find out about that eventually.**

**Lilandriel: I know! Isn't it cheesy? And, believe me, unless you are very brave, never attempt to write one of these...it's painful. :)**


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! Replies at the bottom.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of those poor, poor canon characters, many of which are being tormented...

**Chapter 3**

Rebecca Maria Elizabeth Carissa Lauren Jennifer had already posted the first chapter of her story, and when she got on fanfiction the next day to re-read the excellent chapter, she noticed that she had a review.

_LegolasLuvver34: OMG, lyk, this stori sooooooooooooo rox! I luv it lyk soooooo much! And, lyk, how wundirful u do thos cannon chraters! This is lyk soooooooo romantec! & Faith is lyk soooooooo, lyk, real! OMG, I sooooooo luv this stori! It is soooo lyterat! This is lyk soooooo lyk what Tulkyn writted! Lyk, serisly!_

"That is such a sweet review. I really shall try to remember to reply to it when I write the next chapter," Rebecca Maria said to herself, her speech eloquent as it always was. She switched to the story itself, scrolling the page until she found the place she had left off. She giggled excitedly, awaiting those wonderful moments, reading her wonderful story!

_Legolas bent closer to Faith, looking deep into her eyes, stroking her cheek, lowering his lips to hers, and pressed them gently in a kiss that made Faith feel as though she was fainting all over again. The Elven Prince pulled away after a moment, not wanting to rush the poor, confused girl, whose emotions were riding a roller coaster at present._

_Legolas took her hand in his, kissed in, and rubbed his thumb softly over her knuckles, saying nothing, feeling much._

"This story is so wonderful!" Rebecca Maria Elizabeth Carissa Lauren Jennifer said to herself. The first chapter was finished. The second chapter lay in her mind, waiting to be typed and perfected, as everything Rebecca Maria Elizabeth Carissa Lauren Jennifer did or said or wrote had to be completely perfect so that it mirrored the perfect young girl.

"First to reply to that review..." Rebecca Maria started typing.

_LegolasLuvver34: Thank you ever so much for your nice review. I am aware, however, of how wonderfully perfect this story is. But I am glad that you have come to realize it too. Tell your friends about this story, that they may read and enjoy its excellence as well._

_Chapter 2_

_Legolas never left Faith's side, and often they spoke for hours during the week that Faith was confined to bed, under Lord Elrond's orders. "She is not to leave bed. She is much too delicate to move at present. Her health will improve in time." _

_Though Faith was supposed to be all right, Legolas still begged Eru to let her live, as he was already passionately in love with her. Faith, too, assumed herself to be in love with him, because every time she saw him her heart would flutter. She loved his voice, his stories, his songs, his face, his kisses, the latter of which were becoming more frequent, much to the gorgeous young girl's delight._

_As they got to know each other better, Legolas began telling Faith why he was in Rivendell. The rumored Ring of Power had been discovered, and, he said, there would be a Quest to destroy it. He was to be a part of the Fellowship of the Ring, and soon he would be leaving. The only reason he had stayed this long was because of her._

_Faith listened, fascinated by the story, but at the same time, dreading the day when her beloved Legolas would leave her. She had already thought a thousand times of ways she could go with him, and every time she came up with a better reason. She convinced herself that she could go, and when she proposed the idea to Legolas, he wholeheartedly agreed._

_"My dear," he said, kissing her. "You are a brilliant person. Of course you must go with me! I could barely live without you. And, naturally, you will be well protected. But, I warn you," he cautioned, "it is a dangerous mission. We would not be without obstacles."_

_"I know," she whispered. "I will never be afraid with you by my side."_

_He kissed her again. "Nor will I. You will always be safe with me. I have some reasons why you should not go, but I could not honestly bear to go without you."_

_Lord Elrond, of course, agreed. "Besides," he told them, "Faith has incredible archery and fencing skills. She would be an excellent helper." _

_"I am also a skilled healer," she informed them, humble as always and unwilling to accept undue compliments. She blushed lightly when they praised her amazing skills, and quietly left the room to pack her bags as the Fellowship and Lord Elrond discussed the trip. She did not know that Legolas had followed her._

_"My dear, you are amazing," he said, kissing her on both cheeks and then her mouth._

Rebecca Maria Elizabeth Carissa Lauren Jennifer paused in typing her story. Her mother was calling her, again! What ever could she want?

"Rebecca! I just got a call from your Aunt Jill. She and your uncle and cousins are coming up later this week, so be a dear and clean your room."

Not those brats! Rebecca Maria groaned. That would also mean she would not be able to work on her story for a while! It also meant that she had to share her wonderful room with Lindsey, her snobby cousin.

She rushed back to her computer to hurry and finish Chapter Two of her story. If she was smart with her time, she could be up to four chapters by the time her relatives arrived. "Later this week" meant Friday or Saturday, probably. Today was only Monday, so she could have some more chapters up before her annoying cousins monopolized her time.

_"I need to pack." Faith said, pulling away from the urgent kisses of her beloved Elven Prince._

_"Alright. We are leaving tomorrow. I will go and make sure Sweetness is prepared." Legolas blew a kiss at Faith and left the room. Sweetness was Faith's horse, as she would be riding, of course. At least for a while, Legolas told her._

_She began stuffing clothing and necessities into her bags, sighing with happiness. Perhaps the road would be long and hard, but she would be with the love of her life, Legolas, and therefore she would be content._

"That chapter should have been longer," Rebecca Maria said to herself as she left her room. "But there isn't really much I can do about it, is there? For Mother had to call me to set the table for dinner. And tonight is that idiotic Family Movie Night, so I won't be able to work on my story until tomorrow after school!" She ended her rant in a delicate whine.

**Replies to Reviewers:**

**Lilandriel: Snorting is very unladylike and I daresay Rebecca Maria Elizabeth Carissa Lauren Jennifer would not approve. Therefore, DO IT MORE:) Glad you like it.**

**PatatjeOorlog: If you're curious, you'll just have to keep reading it, won't you?**

**Cowgirl4Christ: How can I? I really don't know...maybe I'm just insane...and if I'm not already, this story will probably drive me to it...**

**BlackRoseOrchid: That's so sad, isn't it? That people actually SERIOUSLY write this kind of stuff, and other people think it's good? See, if I were writing this story for REAL, my friends would KILL me, because they are all as much Tolkien fanatics as I am, and I'm sure that Tolkien has rolled over in his grave so many times at what people have done with his story that he's worn a hole in his coffin. Kidding, of course. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Replies:**

**RoonilWazlib42: Yes, very sad. Even sadder that people actually write this junk and call it a story...**

**Cowgirl4Christ: Yes, Mary Sues have a way of suddenly possessing wonderful skills, don't they? They can sword fight, shoot a bow and arrow, and still manage to keep their face looking wonderful and fresh in the middle of a battle. **

**Arndis: Yes, and I just ADORE making fun of it...**

**BlackRoseOrchid: Naturally, she will be getting flames...Yes, I know she has a very long name; that is also pretty common in MS stories...I type really fast so it's not a problem, and it's actually easier to type it than to copy and paste it(for me, anyway, copying and pasting would take a lot longer); it's REALLY annoying to type it out, I know. Next time, just use 'she' instead of typing her name or initials. I'll know who you're talking about.**

**Tiffany:(I was going to delete your review, but I decided not to. In case you are still reading, I will reply) You know, I really adore flames. Seriously, I love them, so thank you ever so much for giving me one. It boosts my review count! In reply to your glorious flame: **

**1.) You must not be very familiar with Mary Sues, if you think that her name is unusual for a main character(Who is, if you didn't know, a Sue) Many Mary Sues have very long names, and as I am making fun of all the MS stories out there, I thought it appropriate. **

**2.) It might be a bit confusing to people like you, who nitpick and try to find something that could be even a LITTLE confusing in order to flame.**

**3.) Nothing in this story could ever happen? Have you SEEN any of the MS stories that are out there? Obviously not. And, I'm sure that somewhere there is a poor, pathetic teenage girl like R.M.E.C.L.J, though maybe not with such a long name. **

**4.) If I could report people for flames, I am sure that there would not be nearly so many members on fanfiction as there are now. **

**5.) If you don't like it, don't read it.**

**6.) You call yourself a REVIEWER?**

**A/N: Can everybody tell that I hate flames:) I feel so sorry for Legolas...goodness! What AM I doing to him? Of course, it's not worse than what the scriptwriter did in the movies: making Legolas a boring state-the-obvious character. **

**Disclaimer: Quite obviously, I do not own Lord of the Rings. If I did, not only would I be dead and in heaven, I would never have even dreamed of doing this to one of my characters...**

**Chapter 4**

Rebecca raced home after school the next day, ran up to her room, and hurriedly logged onto her computer.

"Oh! More reviews!" She said, utterly and completely delighted.

_LegolasLuvver34: oH, GOSH, that chater was soooooooooo romantec! cAN I hav Leggi? PLeez? I luvvvvvvvvv this stori! OMG!_

_LeggysGurl: This is, lik, a rally gud stori! I, lik, lov it! I wish I was FaITh! u rit romanse so good!_

Rebecca Maria sighed happily. She was getting reviews! People liked her story! And she would reply to them, but not today! Not today when she had so little time to accomplish what she needed to do! She rushed to begin the next chapter.

_Chapter 3_

_Legolas Greenleaf sighed happily, looking over at Faith as she walked beside him, her small, white hand held in his. They were walking through the mystical Rivendell gardens for the last time before the Quest began, for they were leaving the next day. The packs were ready, Faith's horse was prepared and resting before the long journey._

_Earlier that evening, Faith had come to Legolas, asking him to walk with her. They had now been wandering around for over an hour._

_Finally, she spoke._

_  
"I am afraid, Legolas. Afraid of the darkness, of the evil that we carry with us, of what lies ahead."_

_"But there is no need to be afraid, my love." He soothed. "For everything will turn out all right."_

_Immediately Faith's fear was swept away by the loving, comforting words. She leaned closer to him; he whispered little loving nothings in her ear. In Elvish, he told her many things, all of which she understood. She smiled happily._

_"I would feel better," she whispered, "if you were carrying the Ring instead of the half-ling. Elves are not easily corrupted."_

_Legolas grinned at her words. "I do not know if that is true. Perhaps it is. But I will trust our little Hobbit friend."_

_At his words, the very thought of Legolas carrying the Ring instead of Frodo was swept from her mind._

_"I will trust him too."_

Rebecca sighed as she imagined this romantic encounter. She only wished that she, too, could walk through a romantic Elvish garden with Legolas. She stared at her posters of Orlando Bloom and nearly melted under the gaze, copied through photography though it was.

_The next morning, the Fellowship and Faith-_

Rebecca Maria frowned at the beginning of the sentence, trying to figure out why it bothered her so much. Then she saw it.

_The next morning, Faith and the Fellowship-_

Yes, that was much better. Faith should always come first, being the main character, Rebecca told herself.

_The next morning, Faith and the Fellowship set off on their journey. Faith rode sidesaddle, a lady to the last, on her horse Sweetness. Legolas walked beside her, occasionally pulling leaves from her beautiful hair._

_He said witty things many times, making Faith's merry laugh caress the group, calming their fears and comforting each and every person. _

_But after a while, the group got quiet, the only sounds the shuffling of feet and hooves, or the rare conference of Aragorn and Gandalf, making a decision on what path they should take._

_Faith began singing in Elvish, her clear, sweet soprano entering the hearts of everyone present, though only a few in the group could understand the words. Legolas stared at her the whole time, as when she sang in Elvish her face became the very picture of Elven beauty, glowing as it was._

_He took her hand, which was rested on her lap, and kissed it softly. Faith's skin tingled at his touch._

_As she ended her beautiful song, it turned out that it was time to camp._

_The Hobbits built a fire, Legolas groomed Sweetness, and Faith rolled out her blanket and pillow, lying down on the hard ground. It was going to be a long journey, after all. She turned to look at Legolas. Perhaps it would be a long journey, but Legolas would be with her, always. She smiled to herself._

_"Here, miss," said one of the Hobbits, handing her some bread and cheese._

_"Why, thank you," She replied, timidly eating. She idly wondered what this journey would do to her figure...what kind of food would they be eating? Now they had fresh supplies, but what would happen when they ran out?  
_

_She turned her thoughts to more pleasant things, remembering Rivendell and its beauty. With those very thoughts she dropped off to sleep._

"Oh!" Rebecca Maria squealed happily. This story was so poetic and romantic and it flowed so well!

She turned her gaze to the stack of books on her desk. Geometry, Biology, English, Spanish...so much homework! If only her teachers knew what important things she had to do at home! Surely then they would not assign so much!

She uploaded the new chapter onto Fanfiction, shut off her computer, and eyed the books distastefully. How she hated homework! With an angry little sigh, she flipped open her notebook, found the proper page in her Geometry book, and started in on her homework.

A/N: You know, all this Mary Suish junk is NOT hard to write. All you have to do is think of the sappiest, most disgusting, cheesy romance in the world, fit it into your own scenario, and POOF, there you have it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Replies:**

**Psalm 136: It's good to hear that you like it! Yes, the Sue will probably have a really dramatic reaction to a flame... that will be extremely fun to write... **

**Arndis: Your eye is twitching just READING it? Guess how bad it is WRITING this junk? On the last chapter, when I was writing the new part of Rebecca's story, part of the time I was gagging, and the rest of the time I was laughing hysterically for no apparent reason. I'm trying to not let this story get to me...**

**Cowgirl4Christ: Oh, dearie, there are a lot more people that agree with me. And which superman thing are you referring to? And yes, those fake reviews are really fun... to read and to write.**

**tolkienfan1: Oh, I hate them as well! Nay, not hate. Loathe, despise... need I go on? And I can't STAND to write it. I have to be sitting down, naturally. Typing while standing is excessively annoying and rather difficult; I've tried it before.**

**Avlaons Mists: I know, isn't that sad? I think it is. That people can actually write this stuff and call it literature is beyond me...**

**MademoiselleSilver: Popping up like mushrooms... such an excellent term! Yes, this story makes me cringe as well... and often I try hard not to empty my stomach of its contents while I am writing a new chapter. One thing is good: I can type REALLY REALLY well, and really fast, and I type so well I don't have to look at the screen, so while I am typing it, I simply close my eyes. Of course, later on I have to go back and check for major spelling/grammatical errors, but I just skim through it...**

**Zelscar: I agree.**

**Chapter 5**

"Finally!" With an irritated little sigh, Rebecca thrust aside her books and logged back on to her computer. It was well past midnight, but she had just had a sudden burst of inspiration for her story, and that was something that could not be ignored!

_Chapter 4_

_"Faith... Faith, wake up! The sun has risen." The girl woke up to the beautiful sound of Legolas's voice in her ear. Immediately she sat up and smiled at him. _

_"You look beautiful." He said, stroking her cheek._

_A light blush reddened them just as Legolas lowered his hand. He smiled; she continued to smile. They sat there and stared into each other's eyes until Gimli called them to eat._

_Faith almost snapped at him, so angry was she that he had spoiled a romantic moment. But with one look at her beloved Elven prince, all the anger melted away._

_Legolas moved Faith closer to the fire, edging the others out of the way. They did not mind, however, captivated as they were by her beauty. She moved with such elegance; taking a hunk of bread from the loaf, chewing. It was not until she had finished her breakfast that the rest of them remembered that they too needed nourishment._

_Meanwhile, she went to pack her things, only to discover that Legolas had already packed them for her. _

_"Come with me." _

_She eagerly took his hand, and he led her to a small wooded area. _

_"Look here, Faith." He showed her a cluster of beautiful purple wildflowers, and she gasped with happiness. "They are so beautiful," she said, her voice barely above a whisper._

_Legolas plucked one of the dainty flowers and slid it behind Faith's ear. Then he leaned in closer and kissed her tenderly. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back._

_"Legolas? Faith? Where have you two disappeared to?" Called a voice. Legolas groaned unhappily and pulled away. "We'll finish this later." He whispered to her as they walked back. Faith simply blushed again._

_Soon, they set off. Legolas helped Faith mount Sweetness, and off they went. For a few hours she rode along, talking to Legolas and occasionally introducing one of the others into the conversation._

_After a while, Faith saw a small animal just sitting out in the middle of the field. She remembered what somebody had said about killing animals so that they could save the food supplies from Rivendell for as long as possible, so she quickly took out her bow and an arrow from her quiver, aimed, and shot. The animal slumped over, dead._

_Legolas looked up in surprise. _

_"I feel so awful, killing an innocent animal." Faith said, tears streaming down her face as she turned Sweetness in the direction of the animal._

_Legolas followed, and after she dismounted, went to her and put an arm around her waist. "It served its purpose," he said, kissing her temple._

_Faith nodded. Legolas took the edge of his cloak and wiped away her tears. He kissed her quickly, softly, then bent to pick up the animal. After stuffing it into a bag, he helped Faith mount again, then chattered happily, making her smile. He did so love to make her smile!  
_

With a triumphant grin and a yawn, Rebecca Maria saved the chapter and logged onto the internet. Even if it was short, it should satisfy her readers for a while, at least. Suddenly remembering them, she decided to check her reviews.

_LegolasLuvver34: tis is th most romatecest chaper yet! OHHHHHHH my goooooooooosh! how do u do it? i totly luvv tis sorty! udat! udat!_

_LeggysGurl: that was th bertst chaptir so far! suc romannse! soooo cuet! lik, leggy is soooooooooooo hott!_

_LeggiesNumbr1Gurrl: Sooooo ramantic! u tottlaly wrete good! _

_TrueTolkienFan: This is disgusting. You are such a disgusting, sad, pathetic person! At least you can spell, and your grammar is pretty good, I'll give you that. But this is disgusting! I loathe stories like this, and I especially loathe writers like you. I wouldn't even call you a writer, or a Lord of the Rings fan. No TRUE Lord of the Rings fan would ever do this! How can you possibly go on living when you are writing such junk? DON'T YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU ARE DOING?_

Rebecca's face fell at the last review. She read it three times, and then she realized she was sobbing. With a heartwrenching cry, she threw herself on her bed and cried her very heart out. How could somebody do this? How could somebody write such a horrible thing? How could somebody not like her story? She asked these questions over and over, and after about thirty minutes of crying, she grabbed some tissue, wiped her eyes, and chalked it up to those nasty people who are obsessed with the books.

"That has to be it." She told herself as she wrote some quick replies to her reviewers, ignored her flamer, posted the chapter and went to bed. As she lay there in the dark, she cried a little more, then gave herself a little pep talk. She looked at her clock; the digital numbers read 3:07. Definitely time to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Replies: **

**scissorhero: Nice story, that. Well, I am surviving, but just barely. In fact, I better stop updating so often, or else I WILL buy the farm.(In case you are unfamiliar with that term, it means die.)**

**Psalm136: Oh, I LOVED writing the flame! So fun, you know. Oh, and if you have a crush on Legolas/Orlando, that is completely YOUR business. And I am UPDATING. Okay? It does pain me to write this stuff, which is why I may take longer between updates in this story than in any of my others. It HURTS to write such junk!!!**

**BlackRosePoison-Orchid: I have not had the pleasure of understanding you; of what are you talking of? (Okay, sorry. Blatant quoting of Pride and Prejudice there.) What do you mean, just stick her head in the toilet? Is that some ancient ritual of the Mary Sues? (Just jesting...)**

**Fili: First off, thank you for ALL your reviews, but I will reply to just the one. Answering all your questions: 1.) Unfortunately, yeah. 2.) I actually knew of a horse named Sweetness once. Used to ride her all the time at the place where I used to take lessons. Wasn't very sweet at all, really. Rather temperamental. 3.) Yes, very good. Don't throw up. 4.) Oh, YES. 5.) Probably that too... Thank you!**

A/N: And on we torture poor Princess of Ithilien. Or, rather, she tortures herself. Oh, dear. She is speaking in third person again.

Disclaimer: NOTHING is mine. Okay, I lied. Unfortunately, I DO own Rebecca and Faith. (Gag me with a SPOON.) I wish I didn't own them... but they shall DIE eventually. Yes... oh yes, they SHALL. Okay, sorry. Went off on a little mini-rant there.

**Chapter 6**

Rebecca Maria Elizabeth Carissa Lauren Jennifer Jacobson was not happy. Not at all. She was quite peeved, actually. It had been four entire hours since she had posted the new chapter of her absolutely brilliant story, and not a single review! Not even one itsy bitsy little _hit _on the new chapter. She sighed impatiently.

She had gotten up earlier than usual just to check her review count! Rebecca tried to comfort herself with the fact that maybe her readers had been asleep, but even that did little to console her.

She waited a little longer, then saw the clock and decided she had to start getting ready for school. She dressed, stuffed her books into her neon pink backpack, and stomped down the stairs.

_Roughly eight hours later..._

"I'll do it later, Mother! I'm busy!" Rebecca Maria Elizabeth Carissa Lauren Jennifer rushed up the stairs, dropped her stuff, and hurriedly logged on to her computer.

"Come on! Come on!" She said to herself, waiting for the internet to load. Even high-speed internet wasn't fast enough for Rebecca. Not today. She surely had some reviews by now! And she was not disappointed.

_LegolasLuvver34: y did thiy, lik, intirup faith and LegGy? lik, sooooooooooo rud! thiy wur haven, lik, such a romawentic momint! luvv the chapper! soooooo romeantic!_

_LeggysGurl: soooo goood chptr! luv it!! u ned 2 writ mor paertts w/just leggy and FaITh. good romense!_

_LeggiesNumbr1Gurrl: oooooohhhh my goshhhhhh! it is like, soooooooooo ramantic! more ramance! _

_LeggyFan: this is lik the besst storrry! u writ so good! LiKe, suriosly, u r the besst wreter!_

_TrueTolkienFan: You disgusting excuse for a human being. You are SLIME. To completely slander the works of such a genius as J.R.R. Tolkien by writing this! To do this to an excellent character! Legolas is not some romantic fool! And he would never fall in love with a mortal! You are stupid if you think so. How can you do this? It is an insult to not only yourself, but to the rest of the writing world. _

Why? Why another one? It overshadowed the joy of getting a new reviewer! Rebecca angrily wiped her tears away. _I will not cry over this. I will not cry over this! _She nodded in affirmation of her resolution and started writing the next chapter.

_Chapter 5_

_The animal that Faith had killed served as supper that night. The girl barely nibbled at it, so guilt-ridden was she. She could hardly bear to look at the others. How could she have killed a poor animal? She, who had always been taught to respect life of any kind? _

_She got up and walked away from the fire, spitting out the bits of meat in her mouth. No matter what Legolas said, she could not be comforted. She heard footsteps behind her, but did not turn around. Faith felt a cloak fall on her shoulders and the soft hands of Legolas touch her._

_She turned as he wrapped his arms around her, laying her head on his chest._

_"What is wrong, my love?" He inquired softly, his lilting voice adding to the beauty of the quiet surrounding them. _

_"I still feel bad about killing an animal, Legolas. To think, it might have lived a happy life, had I not ended it." Faith sobbed softly._

_"I thought you were feeling all right about that. You shouldn't be feeling guilty." He chided gently._

_"I know!" Faith cried, wiping her tears away. "But I do."_

_Legolas kissed her head and tightened his hold on her. "Don't worry. It did serve its purpose, Faith. Believe that." _

_Somewhat comforted by his soothing words, Faith relaxed in his embrace. "I'll be all right."_

_She lifted her head, silently asking for a kiss. Legolas obliged. _

_A while later, Faith drifted to sleep with the memory of Legolas's kisses fresh on her mind. _

_The next morning came too early for Faith. She had not had a good night's sleep. Tossing and turning, waking up every hour or so, she had had the suspicion all night long that something was the matter. And when she awoke, it soon came to her notice that something _was _wrong. Frodo had lost the Ring._

_Everyone was in a panic, frantically searching the campground, looking for the ring of gold. Faith was tempted to accuse Boromir of stealing it, but he seemed obviously worried, searching as desperately as anyone else._

_She thought about it logically. If someone had taken it, who? Someone in the camp? Or had someone been following them? No, the latter was not possible. They posted guards every night; they took shifts. Well, everyone except for Faith. No, it had not been stolen._

_"Frodo, take off your jacket." She said, for the little Hobbit was right next to her._

_"What? Why?"_

_"Just do it!"_

_"All right! All right!" He did so, and the Ring on its chain fell to the ground. He shot her a grateful glance, picked it up, and called to the rest of the group, "She found it!"_

_A hearty round of "Good jobs" and "Nicely done" were awarded to Faith, but the best prize was a firm kiss from Legolas. She didn't stop smiling the whole time they were packing up camp and getting ready to leave._

Rebecca sighed wistfully as she imagined these encounters with Legolas; wished they could be real. If only she could be kissed by Legolas! She closed her eyes and sighed happily as she imagined what that would be like. Her daydreams were interrupted by a shout from the stairs:

"Rebecca! Rebecca! Have you cleaned your room? Your cousins are coming tonight! I'm coming up in an hour, so you'd better get started!"

With a frown Rebecca surveyed her room. Her dresser was cluttered; her desk was worse. There were CDs strewed everywhere, one of her posters was hanging on the wall by a corner, clothes were thrown everywhere, her bed was unmade, and her closet was a complete disaster, not to mention the bathroom. She looked at the new chapter of her story regretfully and debated her options. She could either save it and work on it after her relatives left, or post what little there was of it and have feedback waiting for her once her family was gone. Not surprisingly, she chose the latter.

A/N: Sorry for how short her new chapter is, but I couldn't stand it. It's too soon for a long update. Maybe in a few days, she'll have a REAL chapter written, but for the moment, I can't stand to write a lot of mushy gushy disgusting cliche romance. But, maybe you, too, are glad for a break from it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Replies:**

**Bullseye-Fanatic: **Oh, I know. Believe me, how well I know! Like I've said before(I don't know if you've seen it) while I'm writing these chapters I'm either laughing hysterically because it's driving me insane, or wanting to puke my guts out.

**BlackRosePoison-Orchid: **MY story is getting to HER??? It's getting to ME!!! It's driving me up the wall! My parents think I'm insane! Okay, no, they don't. My SISTER does, though...

**RoonilWazlib42: **Why, to have the joy of flaming, of course. Why else? And how DARE they insult it. It's terrible, isn't it?

**Arndis: **Oh, it's SO FUN to write those fake reviews. Really. I get such a kick out of it. Of course, it also makes my eye twitch to butcher the English language with such horrendous spelling...

**Psalm 136: **If you get nauseous even THINKING about it, then I would not suggest writing one. Honestly. It gets to you. This story is changing me... it's making me crazy... IT'S DRIVING ME INSANE!!! Often I feel like banging my head against the wall until I pass out while I'm writing a new chapter... Oh, and don't worry, something will happen with the cousin, I promise you.

**Zelscar: **Loved, hated, there isn't much of a difference in MS stories. You can love to hate them, hate to love them, etc etc etc. As to your story, good for you! Let me know when you get it up so I can peruse.

**Mikagami Mifuyuu: **Such an evil, evil plot! It's not a bad enough end for the likes of her, though. Truly, we must have something worse.

**Fili: **Yes, most of the time I feel just awful, torturing poor Legolas this way. I try not to think about it. I'll try the ginger ale thing.

**shieldmaidenofeorlingas: **Rabid Tolkien fan is a perfect way to describe me! I'm so obsessed with the books and movies. Anyway, thank you. I gag writing it.

**Slayer3: **There's another girl reading this story whose name is Faith, and like I told her, I just picked it randomly. Just like Rebecca's names. Just random whatever-popped-into-my-mind-first names. So don't be offended!

**Cowgirl4Christ: **Trash, garbage, refuse, etc etc etc... Well, at least you reviewed now! I LIVE for reviews! I'll probably e-mail you when I remember about that thing you were speaking of.

A/N: Another chapter to drive me more insane that I already am. Oh joy.

Disclaimer: Fortunately, I do not own Lord of the Rings, for I could not have done as good of a job as the wonderful Tolkien, and unfortunately, I do own the Sues, Rebecca and Faith. I HATE THEM!!!!

**Chapter 7**

Again, Rebecca Maria Elizabeth Carissa Lauren Jennifer was not happy. Her room was cleaner than it had been an hour ago, and now she stood, pouting, while her cousins, aunt, and uncle came through the door, hugging their relatives.

Rebecca's cousin, Lindsey, came over to say hi. She forced a fake smile and acted like she was so, _so _happy to see her cousin. Truthfully, she hated when her Aunt Jill, Uncle Joe, and their kids, Lindsey and her brother Thomas, came to visit. Especially now, when she was in the middle of such a wonderful writing spree!

Lindsey Anne Riley was a true Tolkien maniac. She had the books in paper-back, hard-bound, she even had the books on CDs. She had every poster, every collectable item, even the really expensive ones, like the swords and such. She had all the T-shirts, she had re-makes of the costumes, her room was decorated totally in Lord of the Rings stuff. The posters from all the movies of the characters and things adorned her walls and she had Lord of the Rings bedding. She had learned every scrap of Elvish that existed and could speak and write it.. She had read all the books that accompanied Lord of the Rings and was, in a nutshell, utterly and completely obsessed. She wore one of the real Rings that had been used in the movie, either on her finger or on a chain around her neck. Her parents had paid a boatload of money for it and she was still paying them back.

Of course, the main, absolute reason why Rebecca loathed her cousin was this: the girl hated Orlando Bloom. She 'didn't care for his portrayal of Legolas' and thought all the Legolas fangirls out there were really, really stupid. In truth, Rebecca had misunderstood Lindsey. She didn't truly hate Orlando Bloom. She didn't hold him to be a terrible actor, but she did hate his followers. Silly, pathetic teenage girls with an unhealthy obsession for one person. It was ridiculous.

Half an hour later, Rebecca had managed to persuade her mother to let her skip dinner, because she wasn't feeling well. It was a lie, of course. She didn't want to have to put up with her family until she couldn't possibly avoid it, and plus, there was her story to write! It hadn't occurred to Rebecca Maria until just then that she could skip dinner. If it had, she wouldn't have uploaded the chapter, she simply would have saved it and added more later. But, no matter. Now she could simply write a whole new chapter! She giggled in anticipation as she sat down at her computer.

They were no new reviews on the most recent chapter, but she hadn't really expected any, as it had only been up for a few hours.

How fortunate was she! That she could find the time to type up a new chapter while the guests were here! Eagerly she started typing, and it soon turned into rapid, frenzied writing. In no time at all she was done with the chapter, though it was shorter than she would have liked it. She would have liked more romantic parts between Faith and Legolas, too, but as it was, it just didn't fit in the chapter this time. She figured it wouldn't be long before someone came to check on her, so she decided to just go down and act like she was all better.

_An hour later..._

Lindsey lugged her duffel bag up the stairs into her cousin Rebecca's room. She really didn't want to stay in that room, with all the posters of Orlando Bloom, but she had no choice. With a grimace she surveyed the room, finding it just as she expected-overflowing with Orlando Bloom pictures and paraphernalia.

She tossed her bag onto the bed, then noticed the computer. She thought she might as well check her e-mail, as she hadn't checked it for a week. They had stopped for a few days on the way here to visit with some friends of the family.

She was just about to click on the internet icon when she noticed the Wordpad document titled 'ROMANCE'. Interested, she opened it and started reading.

_Chapter 6_

_Within a few minutes they had left the camp, almost all traces of their ever having been there erased. As they rode, the entire Fellowship, Legolas especially, entreated Faith to sing them a song, and she obliged them with a sweet Elvish love song._

_But one was not enough for her eager audience, so she sang again and again until her throat was dry. They had just come upon a stream, and she dismounted, going for a drink. Legolas followed while the rest of the Fellowship kept going. _

_Faith lowered her small cupped hands to the water and drank from them while Legolas watched her. He stroked her arm softly, moving closer. She lifted her head and he lowered his, and their lips met in a passionate kiss._

_The kiss ended as they both pulled away, dizzy and breathless. She smiled shyly, her cheeks blushing scarlet. Legolas took her arm and pulled her close, nuzzling her neck. She giggled in delight, then looked at the group ahead of them._

_"We'd better catch up, Legolas." She said after another brief kiss-too brief, she thought, but they did need to regroup._

_"No, I think I'll walk for a while," she said when Legolas offered to help her mount. Taking Sweetness's reins, she walked alongside her love, listening to him as he told her tales of his homeland. Since they were already at the back of the group, they figured a few stolen kisses would go unnoticed-and they were right._

"Oh my gosh!" Lindsey felt a sudden need for a toilet. The pot roast that had served as supper was dancing wildly around in her stomach. She couldn't read any more... no, she had to! She had to know how bad it got-what horrible things her cousin was writing.

_Legolas and Faith had just separated after another quick kissing session when they heard a shout from ahead._

_A band of orcs! "Oh no!" Faith shrieked, grabbing her sword._

_Legolas grabbed her arm to stop her from charging forward. "It's too dangerous, Faith! I can't let you go!"_

_She stared into his eyes. "We can't let them ruin our mission! We must continue on!" _

_Legolas pushed her back against the horse. "Stay here, where it is safe. Don't worry, we'll take care of it."_

_Faith nodded, kissed him quickly, and let him go. She mounted her horse, just in case they came after her. Then, at least, she would have the advantage of height and quick transport out of the fighting zone._

_Suddenly, an orc was coming at her, and before she had time to react, Sweetness got spooked and took off at a gallop. Faith tried desperately to gain her balance, but no good. She fell and struck her head against the hard ground. The last thing she remembered was seeing Sweetness beating a hasty retreat and hearing her name being shouted._

"Oh my goodness!" How horrible could it get? Lindsey felt extremely ill, so she minimized the document and went to lie on the bed, hoping her stomach would calm down.

How on earth had her cousin turned in to a Mary Sue writer? Lindsey shook her head. Why even bother to ask that question? She knew how. Rebecca had always had a major crush on Legolas, ever since Lindsey dragged her to the movies. And now? This was the result.

_I wonder if there is more... _Lindsey thought, then reasoned with herself. _Of course there is more. The title to it said Chapter 6. So there is a lot more. Six chapters of that! _Much as she was curious as to how bad it actually was, Lindsey knew she could never read it all. But she and Rebecca would be talking later, there was no doubt of that.

A/N: Yes! So that is what is happening with the cousin. Finally, I get to write about a SANE TOLKIEN FAN! YEAH! Lindsey is like me! Well, me in my dreams. I wish I had all the paraphernalia that she has, but alas, I have not the money for it. Oh, and sorry there wasn't a whole lot more to Rebecca's story this time. Worry not, there is more mushy gushy disgusting romance to come! To love/hate it as you will!


	8. Chapter 8

**Replies: (This section just keeps getting bigger and bigger, making the word count go higher on the chapter...)**

**Arndis: Now, why ruin a perfectly good computer? Naturally we'd have to disinfect it because of the Mary Sue germs, but other than that and peeling all the Orlando Bloom stickers off of it, it'd be perfectly fine. Then again... who would want to USE it?**

**BlackRosePoison-Orchid: Aren't we all... and what story is that, mate?**

**Slayer3: ONLY sabotage? Nonsense! I'm planning... something... I just haven't figured it out. I'm completely winging this chapter; I don't think I have any ideas whatsoever as to what I'll write in it...**

**RoonilWazlib42: You wanna see gagging? Watch me while I write these chapters. Absolutely horrid work, I tell you. You know, I like a good romance, (not on fanfiction, though) but this kind... oh... gag... it's so GROSS. Yeah, I wish MY parents would buy me that stuff... **

**SpaceRoses: Like I said, I don't blame you at all. **

**Cowgirl4Christ: Oh... the conversation... can't wait to write that!!!**

**Psalm 136: I know! I LOVE writing about her character! So fun!**

**salendola: Poor Lindsey, poor ME...**

**MademoiselleSilver: Well, I'm sure she'll save us all. **

**Zelscar: I know! Sanity is so wonderful! Oh, that's just her being the typical Sue. Well, actually, I don't know if that's exactly what she IS doing right now, as I really don't have the guts to peruse any one of the many MS stories out there... don't worry, though, we'll be seeing her doing some interesting things in the future.**

**Bullseye-Fanatic: Well, 1. I'm pretty much already crazy, so no danger of the loony bin. How I've managed to stay alive is beyond me. And I don't think I could ever kill someone... characters, sure, but not PEOPLE. Give them a good slap in the face, a nice two hour long lecture about the evils of fangirlism, etc etc etc. Oh, and no murder in this story. Possible character death. :) I'm going to have soooooo much fun when I... oh, wait! Can't give the story away! Mwahaha... I have SO much planned... **

**Fili: Oh, no. Bad Fili. BAD. No killing. It's a sin. Just imagine that you HAVE all that stuff. Go to your happy place. MY happy place is usually either somewhere in Middle-earth, or in a room filled with LOTR stuff. Not that I actually HAVE a room like that, but still... I'm planning on staying alive till I finish the story. Then I'll probably die.**

**Lailonniel(From Chapter 3, in case you read up to here): Thanks for reviewing! This is the only story I can remember that was in-progress that I picked up reviewers in the middle of it. Glad to be making you laugh!**

**Unfortunately, Chapter 8 In This Never-Ending Cliche Romance Fest **

**Gag Me With A Spoon**

**When I die, I'm sure my epitaph or whatever those things you call that they write on your headstones will read: 'Here lies Princess of Ithilien. Beloved daughter, sister, and fanfiction author. Cause of death: Writing a fake Mary Sue Story. **

**Anyway, where was I? Oh yes.**

**Chapter 8**

It seems that Rebecca Maria was simply not _destined _to be happy tonight. She was still extremely unhappy, and it was all that Lindsey's fault. After Lindsey had taken her stuff up, Rebecca had been forced to wash the dishes, of all things, so that she couldn't follow her cousin upstairs to make sure nothing happened to her room.

The dish soap was simply _ruining _her perfectly manicured nails, and her hands felt dryer than ever. She crinkled her nose in disgust as she half-heartedly scrubbed at a dirty dish. This cleaning stuff was not her job! She was much too pretty to be stuck in the kitchen doing all the dirty work, while her family were out there chatting with the relations.

Well, it was better than being stuck in a stupid family memory session. No doubt about it, her parents were pulling out the pictures from vacations and ceremonies and stuff. Rebecca rolled her eyes. Parents were _so _weird that way.

Upstairs, Lindsey was contemplating her options, playing with the Ring dangling from the chain around her neck. She looked nervously over at the computer, as if at any moment it might jump up and attack her with bad Mary Sue writing.

She looked away quickly, then decided. She had to destroy it. She had to! For the well being of everyone! Herself, her cousin, all those poor people of fanfiction!

With a decisive nod, she rose and made her way back to the computer. She sat down and opened the document, and without a hint of regret, erased it. She then browsed through the other documents until she found the rest of the disgusting story, and promptly erased those.

And just as she was about to pop open the recycle bin so she could destroy them once and for all, she heard a gasp behind her.

"What do you think you are doing?" Rebecca's high-pitched voice filled the room.

"I'm erasing the garbage you call a literary work!" Lindsey called over her shoulder, opening the recycle bin and scanning the contents for Rebecca's story.

Suddenly, the chair was being pulled away from the desk, and Rebecca was on top of her, hammering her with her fists, clawing her face with her manicured nails, even _spitting _on her.

"Get off of me! Get off!" Lindsey screamed, trying to push Rebecca off.

The chair toppled to the ground and that is how the adults found them; Rebecca on top of Lindsey, hitting and spitting on her, Lindsey screaming for help.

Quickly Rebecca's parents pulled her away and shot a menacing glare at their niece. "What did you do to her?"

Lindsey pointed to herself. "_Me? _I didn't do anything! She just attacked me!"

"Sh-she was d-d-destroying my st-story!" Sobbed Rebecca Maria, clinging to her parents as the tears rolled down her cheeks.

"I think we'd better leave," Lindsey's parents told them. Her father grabbed her duffel bag and led his wife and daughter out of the Orlando Bloom-infested room.

After a few more tears, it was discovered that Rebecca was all right, and her parents left her alone in her room to recover.

"Such a hateful child!" They said of Lindsey, shaking their heads. They'd always known she was a bad seed, what with that strange obsession with Lord of the Rings and all that. But their Rebecca was such a perfect child! They were so lucky!

In her room, Rebecca was smiling. Her plan had worked! Well, she hadn't actually planned on Lindsey trying to destroy her story; she hadn't even thought about the fact that her cousin might discover it.

"She's just jealous, 'cause she can't write and I can." Rebecca said to herself with a triumphant sniff and a toss of her hair. In reality, Lindsey was a very popular canon writer on Fanfiction, with the Lord of the Rings being her fandom of choice, obviously.

Rebecca Maria smiled and giggled to herself as she started typing up the new chapter. "She can't stop me! No, she can't!"

_Chapter 7_

_Faith was in pain. So much pain! Where was it coming from? She couldn't tell. It seemed to be coming from everywhere. Her arms, her legs, her stomach, even her _hair _hurt._

_She groaned softly and tried to sit up, but her hands were bound. Her lips opened to form the name 'Legolas' but the name caught in her throat._

_Just a short distance from where she was laying, she could see orcs talking in their language. She couldn't understand it. The Orc language was just too evil for Faith to want to know how to speak._

_Where was Legolas? Where was she? She didn't know. The last thing she remembered was... wait, what did she remember? She had been camping, then kissing Legolas, then... the orcs! The orcs attacked them! And she was trying to run, but she fell off... and Sweetness ran away!_

_So! The Orcs had taken her hostage! Where was Legolas? Why wasn't he there, saving her?_

_As if in answer to her thoughts, one of the orcs was pierced with an arrow, then another and another. Soon all the orcs in the little band lay dead, and Faith could see a rider in the distance. She tried to turn her head, but she had no energy._

_"Faith... Faith! Faith, my love, are you all right?" Legolas's soft, Elvish voice came to her ears, floating through them and bringing her joy._

_She felt the ropes binding her hands being cut, then Legolas gently lifting her in his arms. He kissed her softly on the temple, tears streaming down his face with the joy of knowing she was all right._

_Faith wearily lifted a hand to his cheek, wiping away his tears, kissing him softly. "I'm all right, Legolas. I am."_

_He lifted her into the saddle and mounted behind her, keeping a firm arm around her small waist._

_"I saw Sweetness running, I saw you fall... I didn't know what was happening! I was so afraid... then they took you, but I was trapped, I couldn't come after you immediately."_

_Faith half turned and pressed gentle fingers against his lips._

_"Everything turned out all right."_

_Their lips joined together in the passionate kiss that is the trademark of two people madly in love._

Rebecca lifted a hand to her heart and sighed happily as she finished up the chapter with some quick replies to reviewers. That would show her snotty cousin!

Little did Rebecca know, Lindsey was far from gone, and she was far from forgetting what evil things her own cousin was writing. In a nearby hotel room, she was thinking, feverishly trying to find a way to get rid of the story once and for all.

A/N: This chapter is a little shorter than I planned, but I think it turned out good all the same. GAG ME with the little bits between Legolas and Faith... oh... it makes me SOOOOOO sick to write that kind of junk! I can barely make my fingers type all that disgusting gush!


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **Unfortunately, this seems to be the only one of my in-progress stories that I have any interest in updating. No ideas for the others ones. This story is making me sick. I really must finish it before it kills me.

**Replies: (Must do it now before there are too many)**

**Arndis: I know! Worry not, though. It will be destroyed eventually... **

**Zelscar: Yep. Her hair hurts, believe it or not. Lindsey has ideas. Many ideas... MWAHAHAHAHA! Okay, I'm done...**

**Pslam 136: Not a SPOON, my dear, a plastic LADLE so that she suffers for longer. And kill Rebecca while you're at it. Of course, I have to finish the story first, then they are all yours... though some of the other reviewers might want to take a stab or two or fifty at her as well...**

**Cowgirl4Christ: Well, naturally, as with all Mary Sues, after she is done with a battle(or a bout of rolling around on the floor attacking someone) her hair, nails, and makeup are still perfect.**

**RoonilWazlib42: I've heard that mints can help, but we don't have any in the house. I should probably run out and buy some. Of course, I try not to have anything in my stomach while I'm writing this story, else the temptation to throw up become too strong to resist. Hey, my parents DO think that Harry Potter is satanic, so don't go bashing people who think that. It's all a matter of opinion anyway.**

**Lord PLEASE Let Me Finish This Story Soon! I Can't Stand It!**

**Chapter 9**

Lindsey-the-Tolkien-Fanatic was safe in the aforementioned hotel room, triple antibiotic ointment spread across the gouges that her cousin's nails had caused. The girl was currently in the bathroom while her parents and brother slept, tapping away on the laptop that went everywhere with her.

She was hacking into her cousin's fanfiction account, naturally. She had learned to do it through a meeting of a group she was in, _Mary Sue Haters United. _She had never done it before, but since Rebecca was a family member, she figured that this time there was no choice.

Now to guess the password. Try the usual things, _legolaslover, legolaslovesme, imobsessedwithleggy. _One of those should work. She sat typing away for a few minutes, guessing and guessing, until finally she hit it. _leggieorliloverobsesser. _She rolled her eyes in disgust and found herself grateful for the toilet nearby. She might need to use it soon.

Before deleting the story, she decided to check out Rebecca's biography page, just to see how horrendous it was.

It was just as bad as Lindsey expected.

_Name: Rebecca Maria Elizabeth Carissa Lauren Jennifer_

_Age: Like, you don't need to know!_

_Hair Color: Blond with natural highlights. Curly-wavy. Really silky!_

_Eye Color: Well, sometimes they are a really bright blue, and other times they are blue-green, like the sea, and sometimes they are brown, and once they were hazel, but that was really icky, and then that one time they were violet, and really really really pretty._

_Other Information: I'm really skinny and really really pretty. Or so I've been told. I wear really stylish clothes and have about fifty pairs of shoes. I like to walk on the beach barefoot, and I'm a good swimmer. I look good in a bathing suit, I must say. Lots of people say I should be a model, but I dunno... models are like, so shallow, you know? And besides, I'm really interested in writing now! I might even get published someday! giggles_

"Oh gosh!" Lindsey's face scrunched up in disgust, and she was immediately glad that she hadn't eaten a lot for dinner, because it would certainly not be in her stomach any longer.

_I am totally obsessed with Legolas and Orlando Bloom and Will Turner, and I have about a billion posters of them all over my walls. I am really gonna marry Orlando Bloom someday, just wait and see!!!_

"Yeah, sure you are, you little disgusting Mary Sue writer." Lindsey rolled her eyes and shook her head.

_About my story... well, it's about this young girl who's really trying to, you know, find herself, and she falls into the place where Legolas is... Rivendell, and they meet and they totally fall madly in love. Then they go off with the... the... the Fellowship to destroy the ring thing, and along the way there is this brilliant romance between Faith and Legolas. It's really a deep story, I think. Lots of meaning behind it and all._

"Oh, gag..." Lindsey whispered to herself. It was time to do the final deed. She absolutely had to.

She went to the stories list, and clicked on the only title there, _Firey Passion, _glad that the obvious menace of a story would be gone.

As soon as she deleted it, the thought came to her. The story wasn't gone! The chapters were still saved on Rebecca's computer. Lindsey mentally kicked herself for not deleting the documents when she had the chance. She should've been quick about it. But it wouldn't make a difference anyway, she realized. Her cousin would just write another disgustingly sappy Legolas romance, even if her present one was gone.

She shut her laptop off, glad that the story was at least gone from Fanfiction for a while, until Rebecca realized what had happened. Then, as she went back to bed, she started thinking of ideas... how could she get back into that room? And once she had deleted every trace of that story from the hard drive, how could she keep Rebecca from writing another one?

Meanwhile, Rebecca was in her room, typing away. After finishing the last chapter, she had immediately started to write the new one. The inspiration was unleashed! Romantic scenes between Legolas and Faith were shooting from her brain quick as could be! She could scarcely type fast enough to get all her thoughts down.

Eventually, her fingers got too tired. She stretched and massaged them as she looked at what she had already written.

_Chapter 8_

_Soon they joined the rest of the Fellowship, whose faces were the very picture of worry and concern._

_Aragorn, the stuffy one, Faith thought, berated Legolas for going off alone like that to find her while Gandalf, the nice old wizard, helped Faith towards the fire. "So glad you are back, my lady," he said, bestowing a kiss on her soft hand._

_She smiled slightly and sank down beside the fire. She took a chunk of bread and tore off a piece, daintily nibbling at it._

_The Hobbits gathered around her and told her how glad they were that she was back, and asked her to sing them a song._

_"Not now. I'm very tired." She told them with a sweet smile. Seeing their disappointed faces, she hastened to add, "But sometime soon, I will sing for you."_

_While the rest of the Fellowship sat down and talked and ate, Faith silently stole away, sending Legolas a look that said, Come, follow me._

_She went off into the woods, but only for a few feet. She waited a minute or two for Legolas to come, and then he appeared, his cloak in hand. _

_  
"Here," he said, wrapping it around her, then resting his hand on her shoulder._

_She leaned against him. "I was so frightened. I barely knew what was happening! And I was afraid I would die and never-" _

_She was silenced by his fingers upon her lips. With his thumb he wiped away a few stray tears. _

_He settled her head underneath his chin; it was a perfect fit. Leaning his cheek on the top of her head, he whispered soft, loving, comforting nothings until he felt she was calm._

_Then he set her just a few inches away from him so that he could look into her beautiful eyes. "You will always be safe with me. I will never let anything happen to you. Do you understand?"_

_Faith nodded, and he kissed her. They kissed for several minutes before breaking apart, completely out of breath. But just over a minute later their lips were joined again. They spent an hour in the woods, kissing, talking, and laughing, completely happy to just be together._

_Back at the camp, Aragorn was shaking his head. "She's too much of a distraction. It's not good to have her along, anyway." The enchantment the girl brought had not lasted long on the down-to-earth warrior, stuffy and mean. _

_Almost all the rest of the Fellowship disagreed. "No! She is a complete blessing! Think of how much joy she brings to our grave journey, Aragorn! This entire trip could be without smiles or laughter were it not for Faith!" Gandalf cried._

_Aragorn shook his head, poking the fire with a stick. "I think Aragorn is right." Said Sam. Honestly, though he enjoyed her songs, seeing her and Legolas together made him miss home-where Hobbit lads and lasses were constantly seen together. He also felt that she had some sort of lofty disdain for people less beautiful than she._

_They rest of the Fellowship mumbled things, either agreeing or disagreeing with Aragorn._

"That pesky man! Trying to get in the way of their romance!" Rebecca said, proud of herself for making him so true to his own character, but at the same time irritated that she had to write that kind of thing. She had never liked Aragorn from the time she had seen the movies. He stole some of Legolas's thunder, because of the battle scenes and all. And Sam, too. Fat, foolish Hobbit.

Rebecca looked over at her clock, but she didn't even care about school. She was pretty sure they were on break, anyway. Honestly, she had scarcely given a thought to her schoolwork since she started writing this brilliant story. Her fingers were too tired to type any more tonight, so she simply saved it, telling herself she would finish it tomorrow. Only a little bit more to go on that chapter anyway. In fact, she could probably post it as it was.

The thought was so appealing that she decided that was what she would do. That way, she'd have more reviews the next time she checked it!

She logged back on to the computer and signed on to the internet. Right as she was about to go to the Fanfiction sight, her computer shut down. In fact, the power went off. Her lamp went off, her clock went off. Rebecca sighed, irritated, but decided to deal with it tomorrow. The chapter was saved, and she could post it tomorrow just as well as today.

She climbed into bed and curled up in the covers, not even suspecting that anything was wrong.


	10. Chapter 10

**Replies: (If I already replied to you using the reply button, you'll probably just get a short note, and if I replied and FORGOT that I replied, then you get two replies from me! Goody for you!)**

**Rabid Rabbit's Rampage: How am I still alive... how many people have asked me that question? Well, the truth is, I'm immortal. I've decided that every person like myself that writes a fake Mary Sue story is immortal, so I can't die... yet. Maybe I'm not immortal; I have no idea, but I'm not dead yet, for SOME reason... One of the few anti-Sue stories out there, I'm afraid. I think one of my reviewers is writing one now...**

**Arndis: Suspicious? Well, maybe... and Lindsey isn't exactly a baseball bat person... more of a slice-them-down-with-a-sword person. Not that she would MURDER them, by any means...**

**Bullseye-Fanatic: Like I said, NOT TOMATOES! UNRIPE FRUIT TO BRUISE THEM AND SHATTER THEIR OH-SO-LOVELY FACES! Okay, sorry, ya'll... random need to inflict pain on Mary Sues rising up in me again... but I'll bide my time.**

**MademoiselleSilver: Oh, it hurt me SO MUCH to write that stuff about Aragorn... but then I figured, hey, I wouldn't want her to LIKE Aragorn, because then I'd have something in common with her... **

**RoonilWazlib42: A s'more? For me! Oh, yay! Sugar! Don't worry, Lindsey will do soooo much more... yay! Yeah, I hate that too... it's like Katie Holmes saying she would marry Tom Cruise when she was a girl, then growing up and actually doing it.. it's just GROSS. I think I'm beginning to become immune to this disgusting Mary Sue sickness. Or, maybe not. I still feel the strong desire to throw up while writing it, so nix that immune part.**

**Shadow Valkyrie: Like I said, I did think about it, but totally nixed the idea. **

**Slayer3: You likey? Me glady.**

**Cowgirl4Christ: Sam and Aragorn are some of my MOST favorite characters(though I love them all) and I couldn't bear to turn them into brainless Faith-loving machines. Notice that this is the very reason the other members of the Fellowship rarely, rarely talk. But soon, my plan will come into action! My plan to... whoops! Almost gave it away there. :) Can't be doing that.**

**Zelscar: Don't fear for him! Remember, he is (soon-to-be) King of Gondor, and, "talented" though Faith might be with weapons, he will always overcome!**

**Anondemousse: Gag-worthy. Such a fitting description.**

**Avalon's mists: Well, I think I have several other people that would really like to help destroy her, so you might need to share.**

**Fili: Still love the review, dearie!**

**To all my new reviewers(On the previous chapters, those who just now reviewed) thanks to you all! **

**Chapter 10**

**Yes, This Disgusting Fic Has Dragged On For Ten Chapters**

**God Help Us All**

**I've just noticed that I've started to write those little mini-titles under the proper chapter title. I really should stop, but I can't help it. Adds a nice bit of... something, doesn't it?**

It was very dark. Dark, and rather cold, too. Lindsey clutched her jacket around her and clicked on her flashlight in order to see.

Her relative's basement was seemingly immaculate, with no partially unpacked boxes or old toys and possessions strewn about the floor.

She looked around for a few moments, then turned back to the box on the wall. In the box, though Lindsey had no idea as to its proper name, were a series of switches that led to the power in each of the respective rooms. Luckily, the switch that turned the power off in Rebecca's room had been blatantly labeled, _Rebecca's Room_.

Resolutely, she switched it to the _ON _position. Her cousin would be asleep by now, she just knew it. She had been waiting in the basement for two hours, after leaving the hotel room. The room where Lindsey and her family were staying was only a few blocks away, so she had taken a room key and snuck out. It was a safe neighborhood, so she didn't fear danger. Then again, she was much too set on what she had to do to worry about being kidnapped or something. It had taken her a while to open the window leading down into the basement, but if she completed her mission, it would be worth it.

Slowly she crept up the stairs and into the hallway, pausing every few moments to make sure she made no noise to wake the house.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Lindsey made her way up the stairs and finally, after many minutes, arrived at her cousin's door. It was not fully closed. Good.

Lindsey clicked off her flashlight; Rebecca's lamp was still on, spilling light into the room. The girl pushed a bit on the door and immediately stopped, wincing at the loud _cre-eak_ing noise. She held completely still for a minute or two, then tried again. The door creaked, but not so much. Idly Lindsey wondered if her cousin had ever heard of WD-40. As soon as she thought it, she laughed inwardly. Her prissy cousin, oiling door hinges? That would be a sight to see.

She was safely in the room. Lindsey needn't have worried about the light from the lamp waking her cousin; Rebecca wore one of those ridiculous night blindfolds over her eyes.

Nevertheless, Lindsey clicked off the lamp and crossed the room to the desk. Booting up the computer, she sat down and looked around her. There was even more Orlando Bloom stuff than she had realized. The posters, obviously, were everywhere, but Lindsey hadn't noticed them on the ceiling before. The mouse pad had a large picture of Legolas on it, there was a rug in the shape of a head with his face on it, and the bed was adorned with Legolas blankets and sheets.

Had she not been in such a hurry, Lindsey would have rushed to the bathroom to throw up. As soon as the computer was fully started, she started tapping as quietly as she could. In a matter of seconds she was perusing her cousin's WordPad files. There were a series of them that Lindsey figured must be related to the awful story... _LEGGYROMANCE, ROMANCE, ROMANTIC, LEGGYISROMANTIC, _and so on. Unfortunately, most of the files there had similar titles, so the poor teenage Lord of the Rings fanatic had the unhappy task of having to open them one by one and skim the first couple of sentences to find out what they contained.

In five minutes, she had deleted three chapters of the story, and many, many others documents that held such disgusting romantic sentiment involving 'Leggy' that Lindsey destroyed them at once, even if it had nothing to do with her cousin's story.

Four more chapters to go. When she had deleted it on Fanfiction, the count had said seven chapters.

With every chapter that Lindsey looked at, she felt that much more nauseated. Soon, she would be done. Soon...

When she couldn't stand it anymore, she decided to simply delete every document in the bunch. Sure, her cousin would probably figure out that it was Lindsey who had done it, but so be it.

Rapidly, she started deleting them, but even while she was destroying the disgusting "romance" stories, some of them with Rebecca as the heroine, there was a nagging thought at the back of her mind_. She'll write more. What's to stop her, after all? Even if you destroy what there already is, she'll keep writing... and writing... and writing._

Couldn't they ever overcome completely, the Sue Haters? No. It seemed they were outdone by the Sue _writers. _Lindsey was done; the story was destroyed. But not completely. In the dark recesses of Rebecca's mind, there was more. And she most likely had a hard copy around here somewhere.

But she had done what she came to do. She would have to leave it at that, for now. It was only a matter of minutes before something disastrous happened, like either her Aunt or Uncle waking up, or worse still, _Rebecca _waking up.

With a heavy weight upon her shoulders, Lindsey clicked the lamp back on, left the room and snuck back out of the house, walking slowly on her way back to the hotel. No! How could something so evil be so impossible to destroy? She thought of _The Lord of the Rings. _Sauron had seemed impossible to destroy, but he had been destroyed. The Fellowship had just had to figure out _how _to complete their mission.

_But, _Lindsey thought, rather bitterly, _at least they knew _how _to destroy the evil. I don't have a clue!_

The next morning when Rebecca woke up, the first thought on her mind was, naturally, her story. She noticed that her lamp was on and her Orlando Bloom screensaver was running across the computer screen, so the power was back on.

She giggled happily as she showered and dressed, eager to post the new chapter and see her reviews. Almost giddy with excitement, she hurriedly logged on to her computer and went immediately to Fanfiction, her need to see new reviews growing with each second.

She went to the _Stats _page and screamed at what she saw.

It was empty. Quickly, she went to the _Stories _page, and promptly screamed again.

None Found

There are currently no stories archived under your account.

She read it three times, but refrained from screaming again.

Tears sprang into Rebecca's eyes, and she bit her lower lip. Her story! Her reviews! Gone! Gone! How could they be gone? They had just been there!

Lindsey... Lindsey had been in here, looking at her files! But, no, it had still been there after Lindsey had gone.

Rebecca froze. Lindsey was in the house! No! No, that was silly. Rebecca's parents had recently bought the best security system money could buy. But wait! It hadn't been installed yet!

The girl's brow knit in frustration and anger, but she immediately smoothed out the skin. She couldn't cause a wrinkle to blemish her perfect skin! If she knit her brow, when she was thirty she would have so many icky wrinkles!

She drummed her fingernails against her desk, thinking.

There was a copy of her story somewhere... under her bed! That was where she had put it!

Rebecca jumped up from her chair and dived under her bed, sorting through the array of junk until she found the neon purple folder. Hurriedly, she took it to her printer and scanned the story back into her files. She would show that nasty little creep! She would conquer!

Within the hour, Rebecca's story, all but the most recent chapter, Chapter 8, which the teenager had not printed off, was back on fanfiction, and the smug little grin was back on Rebecca's face.

She began to re-type Chapter 8, only she couldn't remember it exactly, so it turned out different, but she had done it! Hurriedly she posted it.

Now her entire story was back on fanfiction. Lindsey would pay for this! Just wait till she told her parents... Rebecca smiled, almost evilly. Her cousin would pay, oh, how she would pay.

Maybe she wouldn't get as many reviews, but her old reviewers would return to her story. Rebecca decided to type up Chapter 9 while she was at it. Her story would be the best! She would have hundreds-nay, thousands of reviews!

_Chapter 9_

_The next day dawned beautifully, Faith thought, and Legolas agreed with her completely. That stuffy Aragorn person, was, thankfully, silent most of the morning while the Fellowship ate and broke camp. He and the other stuffy man, Boromir, stood talking in low voices for many minutes._

_Legolas mounted with Faith, keeping her steady with an arm around her waist. She still looked a bit weak and frightened, so he figured he could comfort her._

_Not five minutes into the journey Faith was asked to sing a song. She obliged, but, surprisingly, none of the Hobbits, not even Frodo, who had the widest musical appreciation of any of them, liked it._

_Gimli muttered something about how pretty girls never had much talent for anything, but it was said under his breath and out of hearing range of Legolas. Not that Legolas would have heard, anyway, as he was too enraptured by Faith's song, accompanied by her beauty._

"That pesky Fellowship!" Rebecca said to herself. "How can they not love Faith?" The teenage girl seemed to be constantly forgetting that she was controlling the Fellowship's behavior.

_After a few stolen kisses, Legolas asked Faith to sing again. A few of the Hobbits groaned, and Gimli muttered to himself again._

_Faith sang yet another romantic ballad, which Legolas loved and the rest of the Fellowship ignored. Several songs later, the Hobbits were grouped together, whispering, and Gimli was constantly rolling his eyes._

_After that, Faith sang no more. It seemed the Fellowship's fondness for her was dwindling, and the thought saddened her greatly. However, the feel of Legolas's lips against hers wiped away the hurt somewhat._

_Faith had no idea where they were, and she didn't care as long as Legolas was there beside her. She didn't even really know where they were going anymore, she was so hopelessly in love. The very thought of Legolas refused to let her think of anything else, even the Fellowship not adoring her any more._

"Sometimes I really hate the Fellowship," Rebecca said aloud. "Except for you, Legolas," she said in apology to her posters. She then proceeded to stare at the posters for ten minutes straight, re-memorizing every single bit of Legolas/Orlando Bloom's face.

Suddenly she shook herself. "My story!" She exclaimed, remembering what she had been doing.

_After a few hours they decided to stop and rest for a while. Faith pulled Legolas's hand in the direction of a convenient forest, and he followed gladly._

_She wrapped her arms around his neck and he placed his hands around her small waist, and there in that quaint little forest they kissed for several minutes without stopping. They took a small break of a few seconds before joining lips again, and this is how Gandalf found them._

_He coughed, but the two lovebirds didn't hear him. Uncomfortable, he looked at the ground and coughed again-louder this time. Legolas, whose back was to the Wizard, didn't turn, and Faith looked irritably past her love to Gandalf who had interrupted their kissing session._

_"Food's ready," he said simply, and left._

_"The only food I need is your kisses," said Faith, and Legolas nodded in agreement._

_Glad that the couple had not decided to join them, Gandalf, who had luckily regained his senses, returned to the group._

_"We should have left them both in Rivendell," someone muttered, lowly enough that no one was sure who it was. Everyone nodded in agreement to the statement._

_"At first, it was a bit amusing, and she seemed to sing well," Boromir began._

_"But now... she's become a nuisance. And that horse! If she's to continue with us, we'll have to leave the horse behind at some point." The man of Gondor continued._

_"Do we even want her with us?" This came from the group of Hobbits._

_  
"Has she been any aid to us at all?"_

_While Legolas and Faith kissed in the forest, the rest of the Fellowship sat, eating and talking about what to do._

"How could they not want Faith with them?" Rebecca cried as she finished typing the chapter.  
"She's a brilliant girl, after all!"

As she posted the chapter, her head was shaking. "The Fellowship has got to go." She said to herself, trying to figure out how. She hadn't liked the Fellowship in the movies, as they had taken away the focus from the true star, Legolas. And the annoying little Hobbits! With how often you see them on screen, you'd think the story was _about _them, or something.


	11. Chapter 11

**Replies(I can't remember if I replied to any, so I'll just reply to them all. My internet was down for a few days and we just now got it fixed, or else I would have updated sooner)**

**Slayer3: Yes, they shall all die eventually. Thank God. And Lindsey will figure something out, I'm sure...**

**MademoiselleSilver: Who knows what the evil Mary Sue is planning? I do, sadly. And some of my reviewers are very good guessers, though I suppose they just know what to expect from Mary Sues.**

**SpaceRoses: Not murder per se... Yes, I just couldn't stand for them all to be Faith-fans any longer, so I decided to change it! Yay! Glad you finally have started to read Rebecca's story; that way you can truly see how horrid the Mary Sues are...**

**Arndis: Why? Because she's a die hard Sue, that's why! She probably reads them in the middle of the night, soaking up the 'romance'. Poor Legolas is the only one still under her spell... But I will remedy all!**

**RoonilWazlib42: Hopefully, flames. Yes, flames... HAHAHA! Okay, that is the single grossest line I have ever typed in my entire writing career. Thank GOD I'm not SERIOUSLY writing that stuff... Of course they hate Faith! The I-Love-This-Sue effect only lasts so long, you know, before the real sense comes back. I got that idea from a joke I have with my sister... See, she HATES Orlando Bloom, and I was tormenting her by telling her she should get Orlando wallpaper, bedding, posters, etc etc etc, and then the rug idea came, so... yeah...**

**Snurtz: I know! Oh, it's so awful to write this stuff... But, at least, you didn't keep it up! I'm only writing this for my own amusement, sort of... even though it isn't amusing to me, not that much anyway, so there must be another reason... I just can't think of what it is. I have no idea WHY I'm writing this, really... any ideas as to why I am? I can't think of a single good reason why I am... Oh, well. Maybe I'm just insane.**

**Rabid Rabbit's Rampage: Well, in her mind, HE is probably actually 'there' and in talking to her posters, she's talking to him, or something. I truly don't know how the Sue's mind operates, and I don't want to find out...**

**CoalTrain: Dudette, if you please... Thank you! Yes, well, I have to keep myself in good humor by writing that kind of stuff, because otherwise, I would just get all sick from writing HER story. Like I told you, I have a story like that, that I've been meaning to finish and post. Or post what I have and then finish it, either way. However, I'm sure we're not the only two to have done that sort of thing. In fact, earlier in my fanfiction career, I have a story like that up, called 'She Set Sight On The Wrong Fella' (Long title, huh?) but I took it down eventually 'cause I hadn't updated it in months, and put it under construction. Now I'm planning on reposting it sometime soon...**

**Zelscar: Well, unfortunately, Sues (as far as I know) cannot die from lack of oxygen from kissing their beloveds. WHY NOT? Because they are Sues... and, naturally, they couldn't die from such a 'wonderful thing'.**

**Psalm 136: Yeah, that line CRACKED ME UP when I wrote it. See? See how horrid it is? I'm glad I've inspired so many people, though, because I think one other person is writing a Sue story too...**

**Fili: Yeah, it's a breaker box. I couldn't remember that at the time I was updating it, though, so I just said that Lindsey didn't know what it was called. :) Oh, and I have plently of ginger ale, so you can help yourself. I have to drink it quite often. Though cold water is good too... And OF COURSE it's stupid, it's a Mary Sue! It's terrible to write insults about Aragorn and Boromir; cuts me deep. But, it must be done.**

**Quill and Saber: She would. She will, probably. Thank you! It hasn't come from personal experience; I've never written an actual Sue story, nor have I really read any(except for a few I've come to by mistake, and then it was only to laugh my head off at how stupid they were) I've almost thrown up nearly every chapter I've written. And as to getting rid of these oh-so-'lovely' Sues, I will leave that to my reviewers once the story is finished. There are several, I believe, that have mentioned a desire to kill them, so everyone will have to share. I get first stab, though. :)**

**Cowgirl4Christ: You'll see. She's a Sue, so naturally she'd think of something so terrible as that. However, I'm not exactly sure what she'll do...**

**Bullseye-Fanatic: Excellent idea! Though, first we should cut off their hair, so that they will scream bloody murder(remember the ear plugs) and then have something scrape their beautiful faces, then force them to stare at themselves in the mirror.**

**xmutedx: You will love it even more as it progresses...**

**BlackRosePoison-Orchid: I can't tell you anything, because I don't know...**

**Chapter 11**

Rebecca Maria was, finally, happy. She was ecstatic, actually. She had reviews! Many, many, many reviews! All of her previous reviewers had returned, though she had feared they wouldn't after the story had been deleted.

_LegolasLuvver34: oooooo my goooooossssssssh! hi is the most rmentic chappi yet! lik, y did u tak it dwn? i ws worid tat u had perminintle tekin it dwn. glid is bak up! sooooooooo rmentic!_

_LeggysGurl: luvvv the kisin sine! lik, te lin 'bout food only bien Leggys kises, sooooooo romannntic! lov it!_

_LeggiesNumbr1Gurrl: OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH my gooooooshhhhhh! this is the most ramantic cap yit! can i Have leGGy? plz?_

_LeggysTruLuvv: UPDET! UPDET! UPDET!_

There were more, many more, on each chapter, the reviewers all having names that had something to do with Legolas. There were over 25 reviews, and Rebecca's excitement and happiness grew as she read each one.

Until, of course, she reached the one she had been dreading. She had been afraid that this would happen, but she hadn't wanted to give in to the fear. She had tried to be strong, and tried to tell herself that it wouldn't happen, but it had. It had happened.

_LegisGirrlll1: I'm gunna writ a stori lyk yurs! is so gud! I'm mekin a legi remance 2! wil u rivew?_

No! No! Not an illiterate, writing a Legolas romance! And asking her to review? How horrible could it get?

Rebecca's nose lifted into the air, higher than it had been. Like she would lower herself to that level! She was a great writer, an excellent one, indeed! Rebecca thought herself to be ranking up there with Charles Shakespeare, or whatever that man's name was. He was incredibly famous, and so too would she be! She was an extraordinary writer; among the best, and she would never, _ever_, read anyone's work whom she considered to be beneath her.

She continued reading her reviews, utterly and completely happy that so many people liked her story. After all, why else write if not to entertain others?

But then, she saw it. The very name of the reviewer made her freeze, but her eyes insisted on devouring the words.

_TrueTolkienFan: Oh. My. Gosh. This is the most horrid piece of work I've ever seen in my entire life! I though it was bad until now, but this... this is the most digusting, horrible thing that has ever existed, I'm sure. "The only food I need is your kisses." WHAT KIND OF LINE IS THAT? YOU SICK, SICK GIRL! STUPID CLICHES! HOW CAN YOU TURN ONE OF THE MOST WONDERFUL ELVES IN THE HISTORY OF THE LORD OF THE RINGS INTO A BRAINLESS ROMANTIC CREEP? IT'S NOT EVEN ROMANCE! STOP MAKING YOUR SUE SUCK HIS FACE OFF! THIS IS DISGUSTING! I KNOW, I' VE SAID IT BEFORE, BUT IT'S GROSS! SICK! WRONG! I DESPISE STORIES LIKE THIS, AND I LOATHE WRITERS LIKE YOU WITH EVERY OUNCE OF MY BEING!_

And so it continued in all capital letters, going on and on and on.

With each line that she read, Rebecca's eyes narrowed more. But she would not cry. No, she could not cry. Sticks and stones may break my bones...

Oh, what was the use? In one movement, Rebecca rose from the computer, dashed to her bed, and flung herself across it, letting the tears flow freely.

After fifteen minutes or more of sobbing her heart out, she considered some things. Why should one person's thoughts on her story make her cry so badly? Why did it have such an effect? She couldn't rationalize her tears. There was no reason that this evil person's reviews should have such an effect on her, right?

Of course right! With a new resolution, she sat up on her bed, grabbed some Kleenex, and wiped furiously at her eyes. Rebecca couldn't even think of how horrible her makeup must look. She had a story to write!

After typing up some very quick replies to the reviews from Chapter 9, she hurried to write Chapter 10.

_Chapter 10_

_Legolas and Faith lingered in the forest for quite a long time. It would have raised questions in the eyes of the Fellowship, but they didn't care at all. In fact, they were even secretly planning to 'forget' the lovebirds when they broke camp._

_Unfortunately for the Fellowship, Legolas and Faith reappeared after a few hours of kissing constantly. They were both breathless and neither could really feel their lips, but they were happy. Oh, they were so happy!_

_While one of the hobbits cooked dinner, Faith and Legolas snuggled up by the fire, wrapped in Legolas's cloak._

_Sam, the one cooking, had a hard time keeping his countenance and his position by the fire when they started whispering to each other and calling each other strange names._

_Samwise, a rather sheltered hobbit as he was, had never heard the term 'Love kitten' before, and had absolutely no wish to inquire. He had a strong desire to leave, but he was the designated cook that night, and while the rest of the Fellowship grouped a few yards away, he was stuck, listening to the chatter of two people in love. The contentment he normally felt while cooking was corrupted, and he was really very unhappy._

Rebecca frowned slightly. She didn't wish to focus on Sam for that long. Fat hobbits deserved no such attention in her stories. In fact, she rather wished she didn't have to mention the Fellowship at all, which brought up her thought of yesterday.

"The Fellowship really does have to go, doesn't it?" Rebecca whispered to herself, thinking of how she could do it.

She continued typing, deciding to leave in the Sam paragraph that she so disliked solely to show the Fellowship's unjust dislike of Faith. Rebecca failed to realize that she had already mentioned that dinner was ready in the last chapter, while Faith and Legolas were kissing in the forest, and that, due to that fact, when they eventually returned dinner would have been long over.

_The hobbit was soon gone, scurrying off, taking the food over to the Fellowship. Legolas and Faith were kissing, again, occasionally breaking apart to whisper 'I love you' and other such things._

_They were in the middle of a particularly long kiss when Legolas heard something. At first, he was going to ignore it, but his lips were sore, after all, even from such a wonderful thing as kissing Faith, so he decided to go see what it was._

_He rather reluctantly broke apart from his beloved Faith, and rose slowly. He walked a few yards, Faith's hand tucked inside his own. Then, he saw it. The area where the Fellowship had been was empty. Remaining there were a few misplaced articles; a boot, a scarf, and Frodo's sword Sting._

_Legolas raised an eyebrow in question while Faith walked forward to investigate. "They're gone! Somehow, they're gone!" She cried. Legolas rushed forward to comfort her. Tears were streaming down her face._

_He kissed her soundly on the mouth, which made her stop crying immediately. "What about the Quest?" she asked when they broke apart. "The Ring still must be destroyed! But where is it?"_

_Legolas upended the boot, but it was empty. Faith checked the scarf. There, with its chain tangled in the folds of the scarf material, was the Ring._

_Faith lifted it for Legolas to see. "What do we do?" he asked._

_After thinking for a moment, Faith nodded, as if in agreement with herself. "We must destroy it. We must. I have to do this. For...Frodo. Yes, for Frodo. If he is gone, that does not mean his mission will not be carried out! Help me do this, Legolas."_

_The Elf stared down into her eyes for a split second before nodding. He realized she was serious, and he did not doubt that Faith would prove an excellent Ringbearer._

_He sealed his promise to help her with a kiss, and they returned to the fire to pack their bags and such. They would not stay the night at this site. Too many memories, they both agreed. They remembered the hobbit cooking, and scurrying away with the food, and Gandalf finding them in the forest. As they left, both had tears streaming down their faces in memory of their friends. Around Faith's neck hung the Ring, but she had resolved not to be tempted by it, and she would destroy it. She would._

"Oh! Goodness..." Rebecca said to herself as she finished the chapter. "That was such a good chapter! Not enough kissing, but," she said, darting a quick glance at one of her many posters, "that will be fixed in future chapters."

Rebecca was excessively happy. She had managed to get rid of that pesky Fellowship, make Faith the bearer of the whatever it was, and have a really romantic chapter to boot! Kissing scenes galore!

However, a few blocks away, a certain cousin of Rebecca's was checking Fanfiction, and she saw the new chapter, and forced herself to read it. And an hour later, her parents found her. She had fainted dead away in the bathroom, her laptop's battery had run out, and the poor girl was seemingly traumitized for life.

A/N: So, yes, anyone who guessed that this was coming was right. Hey, she's a Sue, what can I say? It hurt me excessively to actually WRITE that stuff, but worry not! All shall be righted!

Oh, and to anyone who might be wondering, the actual chapter is only 1500 words long.Acceptable by my standards, but I really need to make the review replies shorter.


	12. Chapter 12

I can't believe I'm updating it this quickly... Oh, did I tell you all that this awful thought came upon me for a sequel? Oh, goodness... I'll probably end up sickening myself further and writing. However, it wouldn't be with Rebecca and Faith, so you can all feel free to do whatever you like with them once the story is over.** Anyway, tell me what you think of my sequel idea.**

**I replied to you all using the reply button thingy so that I don't have to type it up here. I might just continue doing that, it's somewhat easier...**

**Oh, little note, some cookies for Cowgirl4Christ: You were my 100th reviewer! But, to be fair, everyone else gets cookies too. This is my first story with over 100 reviews and of all the stories I have, present and future ones, I didn't think this would be the one to have them. In fact, I didn't think it would be nearly as popular as it is.**

**Chapter 12**

**Why I Am Updating So Quickly, God Only Knows**

**Probably Trying To Get This Story Over With**

**Of Course, Then There Is My Pesky Sequel Idea**

**Hmm...**

Rebecca was happy once again. It seemed that the girl was quite destined to be happy these days. She had more reviews! Six more to be precise. The new chapter had only been up for a little while, and already this response from the public!

_LegisGirrlll: so, u guna rivew? i git th 1st chtr up. reed! reed! plz? plzzzz? btw, lovvvvv the chtr! ril rommanse!_

That pesky girl again. Rebecca shook her head and resolved once more never to read her story. After all, if she read someone else's little work, it would detract from the brilliance of her story somehow, she was just sure.

_LeggysTruLuvv: pleeeeeeeeez updet! pleez? guud romense!_

_LeggiesNumbr1Gurrl: Gld th felowsip is gon. i hat tem. interuuptiin FAITh and LEgGy! gud that thy gon_

_LeggysGurl: mor kisin sines!_

_LegolasLuvver34: STupid fleoswhip. ddiscaspeered lk that. glid FIaht has the riing froDo was 2 stUpid to hendle it._

For the second time that day(or maybe it wasn't even day yet, it could have been the middle of the night; Rebecca had no idea. She was too caught up in her excellent story and reviews!) Rebecca saw the name of a certain reviewer and froze.

For the second time that day, she tried not to read it, but her eyes refused to obey the urgent command from her brain.

_TrueTolkienFan: Lord, help us all. YOU GAVE FAITH THE RING AND MADE THE FELLOWSHIP MAGICALLY DISAPPEAR? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? HOW ON EARTH CAN YOU CONSCIOUSLY DO THIS AND FEEL NO GUILT WHATSOEVER? YOU ARE THE SADDEST, MOST DISGUSTING, MOST PATHETIC LITTLE WORM AND YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS WRITING A STORY OF ANY KIND! Like they really had memories to leave behind? Please! And Frodo, who has, in fact, just disappeared, left behind Sting and more importantly the RING? I DON'T THINK SO! What did you do with them, anyway? You ignored them throughout all of your 'story' but then remembered that they existed and decided you had to get rid of them? HOW CAN YOU DO THIS? TOLKIEN WOULD BE ROLLING OVER IN HIS GRAVE! I'M SURE HE IS! YOU CALL THIS A LITERARY WORK? PLEASE! LOOK AT YOUR REVIEWERS! THESE PEOPLE WHO SUPPOSEDLY LOVE YOUR STORY CAN'T SPELL TO SAVE THEIR LIFE!_

Once again it went on for much, much longer, and once again it left Rebecca flung across her bed, sobbing.

Rebecca was an extremely sensitive girl, which is why she liked animals. She didn't have any, because they were smelly, but she liked them and nearly cried every time she saw an animal out on the street. Therefore such a harsh review on her exquisite story was sure to almost break her poor little heart.

However, just as she had the day before, she stopped crying with fifteen minutes or so, got up, and went to type the next chapter of her story.

"I will show that nasty person! My story is wonderful and everyone loves it." Rebecca said to herself as she typed. She comforted herself with these words, muttering them for a few minutes before she settled down.

_Chapter 11_

_Faith had no idea where she was, nor did she care. All she knew was that she was tired. Oh, so incredibly tired. Her arms ached, her legs ached, her neck ached... everything hurt. The girl could barely think clearly, and she wondered where exactly they were._

Rebecca paused for a quick moment. She had never read the books, and she never would. Everyone raved about them and that disgusted Rebecca immediately. But for a split nanosecond she regretted not reading them, because she didn't know any locations in the Middle Planet world, or whatever it was called. She had barely paid any attention when she had gone to see the movies; she had been waiting for those dumb midgets to get off the screen mostly so that they would focus on Legolas again. Another reason she would never read the books is that she knew that that Tolkien person didn't mention Orlando Bloom; she had asked Lindsey about it.

The young writer decided she could ease her way around that obstacle and continued writing.

_After a quick search before leaving they had found Sweetness munching on some sort of bush in the forest. They had loaded bags onto her, but neither Faith nor Legolas was riding at present. They were, actually, taking a quick break from their journey and kissing each other passionately. Legolas's fingers were tangled in her beautiful silky hair, Faith's hands were playing with his Elven braids, and their lips were crushed together. They kissed for nearly ten minutes before moving on, but in another hour they were taking another break and kissing again._

_Faith sighed contentedly as Legolas's lips reached her own. There was something about the magical power of the kisses of Elves, she was sure, that was nearly... intoxicating. In fact, she-_

"Rebecca! Rebecca!"

Her mother's voice carried into the room and soon the mother herself appeared in Rebecca's doorway. She had a phone in her hand. "Jeff's on the phone."

Rebecca shot up. Jeff! Jeff was Rebecca's latest boyfriend; he was the heartthrob of her entire school and a major hottie. He was also star of the soccer team. Rebecca had never liked football guys; most of them were too fat for her tastes. But Jeff was the perfect guy... and such a hot one too!

She decided her story could wait. She hadn't talked to Jeff in weeks; he had been on vacation with his family in Hawaii for some family renunion.

"Hi, Jeff," she said into the phone.

"Hi..." Over the phone came the sweet, silky sound of Jeff's wonderfully deep voice. Rebecca smiled to herself.

"I've missed you." She oozed, flopping down onto her bed.

"Yeah... uh... listen, Rebecca. We need to talk. See, I don't think that we should... see each other any more... Okay?"

Rebecca sat straight up, her mouth hanging open so wide a bird could've flown in.

"What? Why? What did I do wrong? Seriously! Jeff? Don't do this, please..." The girl was crying by now.

"I'm sorry, Rebecca. I just don't think we're right for each other. Listen, I gotta go... You okay?"

"But... but... I love you, Jeff! Doesn't that mean anything?" She said through her tears.

"I'm sorry. I gotta go." Jeff had, luckily, come to his senses and realized what Rebecca truly was. A very long and descriptive e-mail sent from Lindsey had aided his decision, for he wasn't truly stupid.

Rebecca started to say something else, but all she heard was the dial tone. In a quick burst of anger she flung the phone across the room. It hit the wall and the back popped off, leaving the batteries hanging out.

For the third time that day, or night, or whatever it was, she didn't care, Rebecca Maria Elizabeth Carissa Lauren Jennifer flung herself across her bed and sobbed her eyes out. Her heart was broken, utterly and completely.

After a good hour or two, the tears had run out. The teenager felt like sleeping, but she knew she couldn't. She had to finish that chapter of her story. If she didn't have romance in real life, then she could live it through her character Faith. Anyway, she could get any guy in school that she wanted, with her exquisite beauty.

Rebecca picked up her story where she had left off, determined to make it extremely and excessively romantic. With a bitter taste in her mouth, she remembered all those makeout sessions with Jeff, in his car, in her backyard... Rebecca thought she had found everlasting happiness, but, apparently, she hadn't.

_In fact, she believed she was becoming addicted to Legolas's kisses, since she didn't seem able to go half an hour without them. When she did actually manage to go an entire hour without them, which was a feat indeed, when she finally did get to kiss her beloved Legolas, it had to be for a long period of time, which was the exact reason for their coming together now._

_Eventually they sat down, but they were still kissing, and then they ended up laying down and completely making out, but it was pure kissing and nothing else._

_Kissing, kissing, kissing, was all the two could seem to think of, and they kissed continually for an hour or more, until they realized the sun had gone down and it was time to make camp._

_While Legolas went to find firewood, Faith took out the Ring and examined it. It was not an ugly ring, to be sure, but it lacked ornament of any kind... no jewels, no gems, though those were really the same thing... nothing carved on it, no intricate design etched into the gold. It was just a plain gold band, and therefore nothing that tempted Faith. She did not think it ugly but it was nowhere near being pretty enough for her tastes._

_Soon Legolas was back with an armload of wood, and Faith cooked something incredibly delicious for them. However, it was not two bites into the dinner that they were kissing again in an incredibly passionate fashion._

There! That was excellent! Excellent romance! Surely enough to appease the reviewers for now, anyway. Unhappy and heartbroken though the girl was, she hurried to post the chapter and then laid down on her bed.

Looking down at her hands for no real reason, she noticed she was still wearing the ring that Jeff had given her a month before. It was a really pretty ring, made of silver with some sort of green stone in it, but, nevertheless, Rebecca took it off and put it on her dresser. She wasn't sure what she was going to do with it, now that she and Jeff were over, but she would figure something out. Maybe she should keep it as a reminder of all the wonderful times she had had with Jeff, all through their two months of being together.

A/N: OH! Disgusting sappiness! I literally almost threw up while writing this chapter. I think it's probably the worst of them all. Oh, GAG ME! It's so gross! ICK! ICK!


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: I have decided to simply finish this awful, horrible, disgusting(you get the picture) story as soon as is humanly possible. So, here's another chapter...

Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings. I feel extremely sorry for Legolas. Sadly, I do own the Sues.

**Chapter 13**

Rebecca Maria Elizabeth Carissa Lauren Jennifer's heart was broken. Completely and utterly and totally broken. After she had gotten off the phone with Jeff and had her cry, she had been focused on writing her story, but by now, the full impact of the breakup was hitting her full force.

She was crying and typing, alternately. She wasn't typing her story, for once, though she was typing replies to the reviews on the new chapter. Another reason she was crying was because of the latest flame. It held the usual content of name calling and telling Rebecca had horrible her story was.

Why flame her story? Why would anyone want to do that? She still could not fathom it. Tears were streaming down her face but her makeup remained perfect. Her mascara, eyeliner, and eyeshadow were all as perfect as they had been a few hours ago, and her eyes were not the least bit red or puffy, even though she had been sobbing for an hour straight.

Jeff.. Jeff! She loved Jeff; she had given her entire heart to him the moment he asked her out that first time. All the times they had spent together...did they mean nothing to him? How could he simply leave her like this? Abandon her without reason?

Had she not been so heartbroken, Rebecca Maria might have been angry again. But she was much too hurt to be angry. She could practically see her heart, torn in two. That's how it felt, anyway. It felt like that stupid Jeff had taken a fork and ripped her heart open with it. She would never forgive him.

She decided then that she hated men. She would never speak to any man ever again. Except for Legolas/Orlando. He would never have done such a dreadful, dishonorable thing! He was much too hot for that. And besides being really, really good looking, she just knew that he was a good guy, a wonderful guy, a stupendous guy! It was all in his eyes. Just look in his eyes, and you knew...

She felt hopeful that someday she would meet him. She had been at the premiere of the second and third Lord of the Whatever it was movies, and had actually touched him once. Once she had seen the first one she had fallen head over heels in love with him, and she still was. She had given her whole heart to him the moment she heard him speak. And they would make such a nice couple too! Never mind the age difference; age is only a number anyway. And he was so hot!

With new hope in her heart, broken though it was, Rebecca began typing the next chapter of her story. The inspiration for her story was just flowing out of her fingers, though she was bitter over the breakup.

_Chapter 12_

_Faith and Legolas broke apart from their ten minute kissing break and got on the road again. It was a long way to Mordeer or whatever the place was called and they had only just barely put a dent in the distance._

_Faith shouldered her pack and winced at the weight of it. It was filled with a loaf of break and a water canteen thing, and it was really really heavy. Her poor, perfectly round and slender shoulders were becoming grossly deformed, she was sure. She would have to ask Legolas to look at them the next time they stopped._

_Faith whistled to Sweetness, who immediately followed her, since the whistle was at such a pitch that made a horse want to follow whoever it was that had made the noise. _

_While they walked, Legolas looked at his beloved Faith. Her face was simply and absolutely gorgeous, her skin was sun-kissed, her eyes the color of the sky and the sea and all beautiful things. Her arms were long and slender, her waist was tiny, the perfect size for him to loop his arm around her and pull her close. She was a perfect fit against his body when they cuddled. Her lips were full and red and were, currently, begging to be kissed again. Her nose was cute and small, perfectly fitting with her face. Her hips were wide enough to be extremely attractive and they moved from side to side when she walked. Her legs were long and slender and very, very attractive. But then, Faith as a whole was extremely attractive, and rather distracting too. Legolas was rather glad that the Fellowship were there no longer, so that he could be distracted by his love without seeming rude if one of them were talking to him. He felt a bit concerned, but only just barely. He was sure that wherever they were, they were quite safe._

_Once Legolas started focusing on the ground, Faith turned and perused his features. He was incredibly cute, adorable, attractive, handsome, not to mention extremely hot. His Elven feautures were captivating, and Faith felt sure that she could spend hours just staring at his face. His eyes were always filled with love when they looked at her, and she loved him more with each passing second. _

Rebecca was crying with fresh tears. She wanted a perfect romance like Faith and Legolas's! She wanted true love and pure happiness.

Suddenly she felt angry. Very angry and extremely bitter. Why should these made-up characters have such a perfect romance? They weren't real people!

But immediately she reproached herself. Made-up characters deserved happiness! Since they weren't real, why make them unhappy? There was no reason for it, Rebecca knew. She would simply live out her romance through Faith until she found somebody absolutely perfect for her. She knew there was someone out there who would love and cherish her just as she deserved.

She smiled. He would be tall, with dark hair and big blue eyes. He would have broad shoulders, and excessively handsome features, but he would also look a bit Elvish... and look a lot like Orlando Bloom. Maybe he would have blonde hair...

_A moment after each had reflected on the completely attractive features of the other their lips were crushed together once again. Ten minutes was much too long to go without kissing! Much, much too long._

_They ended up camping right there. They had gone barely a mile from their last camping spot, but they needed each other's kisses! They kissed for a long time, sometimes hungrily, passionately, and sometimes sweet, short, love-filled little kisses._

_After twenty or thirty minutes Faith needed a break. Her lips were extremely tired. Legolas nuzzled her neck as they curled up by the fire. Nearby the horse stood, bags thrown over its back, grazing. _

_After a minute or so of resting, Faith's mouth sought Legolas's once more. _

_Ten minutes later, they broke apart, dizzy and breathless, but ever so happy. _

_"I can't live without your kisses," Legolas whispered. Faith snuggled up against him. "Will you marry me?"_

_Faith thought for a split second before sitting up straight, screaming, "YES!" and pouncing on Legolas, kissing him fiercely. _

_He laughed that light, joyous Elven laugh that Faith so loved, and it caused her to laugh too. "Here," he said, digging in his pocket._

_He produced a huge diamond ring and put it on her finger. She stared at it, then switched her gaze back to Legolas. "I'm getting married..." she whispered happily before kissing him again. Her ring was gorgeous. It wasn't just a diamond, it was one big diamond surrounded by tiny little diamonds and tiny emeralds and sapphires too. It was the single most beautiful ring she had ever seen in her entire life._

"Ah..." Rebecca sighed happily. An engagement! She loved it when people got engaged.

While Rebecca was thinking of engagements, diamond rings and wedding dresses with ridiculously long trains, Lindsey was lying on the bed in the hotel room, propped up to a sitting position, flicking through the channels of the television. Her parents and younger brother had gone out to see some cartoon movie, as the young seven-year-old boy still liked them, but Lindsey had opted to stay behind. She needed time to think, and she still wasn't feeling that well.

Nearby her laptop sat, charging. She couldn't wait for it to be completely charged again. She had to see what her evil cousin had been doing with that disgusting story of hers. Of course, she feared it also. She didn't want to read more... yet... she had to. She had to know how horrible it got. That morbid sort of curiousity would surely lead to her peril someday, she knew.

She had to think. There had to be some way to get rid of that story completely, and to never have Rebecca write a Mary Sue story again. But how? It had to be something with Rebecca... something to traumatize her to such a point that she would never write one again. Something had to change within the girl... and Lindsey thought she had an idea as to what.


	14. Chapter 14

**Replies... I don't think I replied to anyone using the reply button. Did I? I have such a horrid memory...**

**Bullseye-Fanatic: **Wait, wait! You have to wait to kill her till the end of the story.

**Fili: **In answer to all the things you pointed out: She's a Sue. That's the answer

**Arndis: **Because, according to Sues, hot Elven guys just randomly have engagement rings in their pockets, or something.

**Snurtz: **When I wrote that, I was actually referring to myself writing the story, only I switched it around to fit in with Lindsey.

**Raven-Padfoot-Marauder: **Oh, don't worry. I read the books after the first movie came out, but none of it sunk into my brain. I was just too young, even though I've been a bookworm and voracious reader for forever. I'm not gonna lie- for a lot of people, those books are a hard read. I've since read them... five times? Maybe four. I dunno.

**Cowgirl4Christ: **I don't even KNOW what I'm gonna have Lindsey do. I don't have any ideas. But hey, I've been winging it this entire story, I'll survive somehow. And I think I remember THINKING about having a long proposal, but I didn't want to type it all up.

**Psalm 136: **See, I don't WANT a big huge chunky ring. I just want a nice ring. Yeah.

**xmutedx:** I don't know what she's going to do. And yeah, it's pretty awful that people do that.

**MademoiselleSilver: **Like I've said twice already, I have no ideas about what she is going to do. :) Shoulda thought of something before I typed up that she thought she had an idea.

**Zelscar: **The little voice is right. However, I am planning another story with a Sue in it, but it won't be completely filled with disgusting Sueishness, though it'll have its fair share, probably.

**RoonilWazlib42: **Drooling over Orlando Bloom, naturally.

**Slayer3: **Yes... well...

**SpaceRoses: **I love that headline! Absolutely excellent. Oh, and just wait for the next LOTR story I'm writing... it's not a sequel to this, but it's gonna have a Sue in it... it's hard to explain, but you'll have to read it when it comes.

**Bitten by a cow: **I REMEMBER! I REPLIED TO YOU!

**BlackRosePoison-Orchid: **It's coming, unfortunately...

**Chapter 14**

Rebecca was not in a state of complete happiness. No, she was barely happy at all. The past few days had been agony without Jeff. Without hearing his voice, or feeling his lips on hers, or anything. It was pure torture.

The two days that Rebecca had actually gone to school had been horrible and humiliating. Even though Jeff had had the decency to tell everyone that _she _had dumped _him, _to help her save face, she still considered him a terrible, insensitive jerk, and nearly fainted into her dear friend Amanda's arms when she saw him talking to Riki Silver. Riki was one of the richest, most popular girls in school, nearly as popular as Rebecca herself. She was also a nicey-nice person, and she didn't fake it, which was the most disgusting part. She gave to charities and put money into the homeless people's cups and stuff. Who does that? She wasn't pretty, but she was nice enough and rich enough to be popular, and Rebecca detested girls like that.

Three days out of the week, Rebecca's mother had insisted she stay home, because her face was slightly pale. She had spent those precious free hours on the computer, typing up her story. In three days, only one of which had been spent entirely in bed, Rebecca had written two chapters of her story.

_Monday_

_Chapter 13_

_That night, something magical happened between them. A promise of everlasting love, and marriage vows made between them under the starry night sky. They both considered it binding, and as Faith was not at home anymore, she didn't see any need for legal documents that probably didn't exist here anyway. They had a magical night together, and both fell asleep, contented._

_Legolas woke in the morning before Faith, leaving her sleeping peacefully. As he started building a fire and rummaging around in the sacks looking for something to breakfast upon, he couldn't help but stare at his beloved Faith._

_She was laying on her stomach, one hand beneath her head, a perfect blond curl gracing one of her porcelain cheeks. The cloak embraced the girl tightly, revealing every curve she had. The night truly had been magical, and Legolas knew she was perfect for him. He turned back to get the fire started._

_Faith awoke silently, not moving, just following her wonderful Legolas with her eyes. He was so graceful in his movements. She almost giggled with happiness as she looked at the gorgeous ring gracing the ring finger of her left hand. Well, now it was a wedding ring, she reminded herself. _

_It did not take long for Legolas to see that Faith was awake. He stopped what he was doing and went over to her, kneeling down and stroking her shoulder with his hand. She blushed lightly and smiled. He kissed her slowly, but what began as a short kiss led to passionate kissing._

Rebecca stopped and decided to leave that sentence as it was. The chapter was perfectly and completely romantic as it was, and there was so much more to come!

_A few hours later, after much more kissing, the couple dressed and ate, eager to be on their way. They were incredibly happy to be married. They loved each other with too great a passion, and they truly did consider the vows they had spoken to be sufficient._

_After walking for twenty minutes, Legolas declared that Faith looked tired, and carried her into another secluded spot in the woods, where they proceeded to have a simply wonderful and restful break while Sweetness stood by, unattended, munching grass. _

_Then they decided to ride Sweetness for a while, so seeing no need to keep the possessions of the deceased, they dumped off the Hobbits' bag, Aragorn's bag, and another bag. They decided to sit in such a way that Legolas was facing forward, but Faith was sitting backwards, and they proceeded to kiss while they rode._

_While they were taking a break from kissing, and Faith's head was leaned against Legolas's chest, he began to talk about his childhood. She listened contentedly to the rise and fall of his voice mingled with the beating of his heart. _

_But then suddenly, his heartbeat sped up and he stopped talking. Faith could immediately sense something was wrong. She looked down by accident at the sword round her tiny waist and noticed it was glowing blue. Wait! That meant that Orks were coming!  
_

Rebecca frowned slightly. She had no idea how to spell orcs. Maybe she had before, but by now she was too wrapped up in the romance of Faith and Legolas to care about spelling. She left it as it was and continued.

_"Hurry, Legolas, we must dismount." She said, hopping down and pulling out the glowing shortsword. Sting was hers now that poor Frudo was gone. "There!" She pointed to a forest and motioned for Legolas to go and tie Sweetness down._

_While he was doing that, Faith was practicing with the sword. She practiced her balance as she stabbed an imaginary foe, and it was perfect, as usual._

_Then, Legolas was next to her, the Orcks were running towards them, and Legolas was giving her one last kiss before the fighting started._

_There were many Orccs, and both Legolas and Faith fought galantly. But there were so many... too many, in fact, for the pair, who kept breaking concentration on the fight to make sure the other was all right, even though they were fighting back to back._

_Soon, Faith heard a distant call with her Elven ears-for she had told Legolas last night that she was partly Elvish, and it was true. She told him that that was probably where she got her beauty from, but Legolas disagreed. He said he had never seen any Elven maiden that was so achingly beautiful as she._

_But, as she heard the call, Faith lifted her eyes to the eastern sky, and there was the Fellowship, running down a hill to help them. The girl tore her eyes away from the western horizon and continued fighting._

_But, the Orkes were leaving! They were running away! She turned with a huge smile on her face to her beloved Legolas, but... he wasn't there!_

Rebecca wrinkled her nose in dislike. She didn't like writing action, and she liked writing that the hero was separated from the heroine even less, but it had to be done. For the sake of the story, so that it could go on forever, she had to have stuff happen.

_Faith looked at the group or retreating Orces and saw that on their shoulder they bore her hot Elven Prince, who was staring at her with love in his heartbroken, beautiful blue eyes._

_"No!" She shrieked, trying to run after them, but somebody held her back. "No!" She screamed again, falling to her knees in pain. Her heart was aching, oh, how it was aching! Tears streamed down her perfect cheeks as she sobbed. _

_The Fellowship stood by in a group, watching the teenager cry her heart out. "Serves her right," someone said, their voice filled with disgust. "Did you see that ring on her finger? They must be betrothed, or somethin'." Said another. This was met with mutters of disagreement. "Surely Legolas would never be so foolish as to think he could wed a mortal." _

_"He's not really even in love with her." This comment was met with many head nods and words of agreement. "However, he is gone now, but we shouldn't just allow the Orcs to take him." One of the men said this. "How did Legolas get taken anyway? He's an excellent warrior... I can't imagine the Orcs just lifting him and taking him off like that." One of the hobbits piped up._

_"It was her. It had to be her. She's ruined him."_

_Not a single head didn't nod._

_Faith lifted her tearstained face to the group, and cried out fervently, "We are married, for your information! And he loves me more than he loves life itself! And I am partially Elvish!" She would've said more but her words were stopped by her sobs._

Rebecca was not trying to cry. She was trying not to cry, in fact. But what had happened to Faith so reflected what had happened to her that she couldn't help it. She was sobbing. She had decided to leave the chapter as was and move on to the next, but somehow, she just couldn't motivate herself. She hated the part about that horrible Fellowship believing Faith had ruined Legolas, but it was necessary to put in, just like it had been for the last chapters.

She simply saved the chapter, uploaded it, and climbed into bed with her broken heart, groping for the box of Kleenex. She wiped her eyes and blew her nose, staring at the face of Orlando Bloom that adorned her comforter. She almost grinned through her tears, as the sight of his wonderfully handsome face could always make her smile. But she couldn't quite smile this time. She missed Jeff too much.


	15. Chapter 15

I have replied to you all via the Reply Button. Excellent little button, that is.

Why I am updating this so soon, I don't know. How I have any sanity left, well, I don't know that either.

**Chapter 15**

_Tuesday_

Rebecca had finally stopped crying and started writing her story again. She was trying to put Jeff from her mind. Last night she had burned all the pictures she had of him, which were many since she was a photographer. She had also burned all of those wonderful life-like drawings and portraits she had done of him, and she hoped that in doing so she would be banishing the thought of him forever.

She took solace in her story, writing as much as possible.

_Chapter 14_

_The Fellowship were gathered around the fire, welcoming the warmth of the flames, while Faith sat a few yards away, wrapped in Legolas's cloak. She hadn't eaten anything or spoken to anyone; she was much, much too heartbroken._

_Her love was gone. Her one and only, adored and beloved Legolas was gone forever. She sat crying for hour and hours on end, the tears dropping and eventually forming a puddle on the ground. _

_She was staring at her engagement-turned-wedding ring. They would never know wedded bliss now. She would never have his children.. She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs, trying to comfort herself. At least they had had that one night together. At least she had the memory of his kisses and soft caresses. But those memories were so painful! She didn't want to call upon them as they seemed to bring more pain than comfort, but she couldn't help herself. She was so desperately in love and her love was gone. She would never look upon her husband's perfect face again._

_She hated the Fellowship. She hated them for bringing her love out here. She hated Frodo most of all. He was such a horrid little midget! He had asked if she had the Ring, a desperate look in those disgusting beady eyes of his, but she hadn't answered. No! She wouldn't give it back. It was her mission now, not his. Not his._

_As the girl cried, the Fellowship whispered. _

_"She wouldn't tell me if she had the Ring," Foto said in a low voice. He was completely distressed. It was his Quest to destroy it, but after the Fellowship had magically been transported to somewhere, he hadn't been able to find it! He had panicked. But then they were magically transported to the hill, and they had seen Legolas and Faith fighting the Orcs._

_He was so worried. If Legolas had had it, it was still on his person, wherever he was. But if Faith had it, where was it, and why wasn't she giving it to him?_

_"I know, Foto," Argon said, laying a comforting hand on the hobbit's shoulder. "All will be well." But Argon himself had his doubts. The girl was far too self-centered, he had recognized that almost immediately. He had petitioned the good Lord Ellrind to not let her go with him, but the Elf had insisted. Though, at that very moment that Argon became disgusted once more with Ellrind's decision to let her go, the Lord of Rivendale was regretting it himself. What had he been thinking? Letting a teenage girl go? It was ridiculous!_

Rebecca scowled at the typed words. She had always hated Aragorn, and she now hated Elrond too. Regretting sending Faith! Perish the thought! She was an excellent asset! Rebecca had long since forgotten the proper spellings of any name that was not, in her opinion, important. She thought she knew how to pronounce them, but it didn't truly matter if they were spelled properly anyway. It wasn't as if the story was about _them._

_The rest of the Fellowship sat there, worried out of their minds that the mission to destroy the Ring was at risk, while Faith sat crying her heart out. None of them even considered going over there to comfort her._

_She sat there, silently sobbing to herself, missing Legolas._

_Meanwhile, Legolas was sitting in a tree. He had managed to escape the Okes and destroy them completely. His first thought after freeing himself from their group was about Faith. But then he thought, Why do I care?_

Rebecca gasped. Did she really just write that? No! Legolas and Faith were madly in love and they were married! That was the plan!

She knew the reason for this deviation. It was a note she had received, and it had looked something like Jeff's handwriting, so she had eagerly torn it open.

_Rebecca,_

_I think your obsession with Legolas is disgusting and unhealthy. And your story, which someone told me about, is ridiculous! Legolas would never even care about a mortal teenage girl in that way! It is the main reason I had to break up with you. I really can't date a girl who writes that stuff and thinks it's realistic. I've also been told that you base your character completely on yourself. You are really self-centered and shallow._

_Jeff_

She had torn it up and thrown it away. She had expected a five-page letter apology, telling her that he still loved her and listing all her wonderful assets. She tried to remember if Jeff had ever had a thing for the Lord of the Rings. She couldn't remember. Whenever he had started talking, Rebecca Maria had been so mesmerized by his wonderful mouth that she hadn't really listened to what he was saying.

"Is he right?" She whispered. She couldn't believe she was questioning her excellent romance story, but Jeff's opinion meant the world to her. So maybe she could change the story some. She would, of course, completely ignore his comments about her character. He would forget those and recognize her perfection in time.

Despite her better judgement, she decided to continue that paragraph instead of destroy it.

_Meanwhile, Legolas was sitting in a tree. He had managed to escape the Okes and destroy them completely. His first thought after freeing himself from their group was about Faith. But then he thought, Why do I care? Am I really in love with her?_

_He tried to think of her. He tried to picture her face-but he couldn't. The Elf was extremely puzzled. He started to head back in the direction of their last camp. With a bit of shame he remembered the night before. He was so confused! When he was with Faith, he was completely in love with her, she was part of him, in his mind all the time, but now that he was away from her, he could scarcely remember what she looked like. _

_What was happening?_

What, indeed! Rebecca couldn't think of a single reason to post that chapter... except for Jeff. What if he read it? What if he read it and decided that she wasn't in love with Legolas so much-she was in love with him? What it he called and apologized and said he loved her still?

The hope could not be denied. In the back of Rebecca's mind, a small voice protested and said that the chance of that happening was slim to none. She told the voice to shut up and posted the chapter.

The next day when she checked her reviews before leaving for school, she saw there was only one so far.

_TrueTolkienFan: Still horridly disgusting, but with some slight touch of sanity._

Well, that was the last sentence, anyway. The first part was filled with insults and stuff that almost made Rebecca cry-but she didn't. She was too excited. Maybe Jeff had read it! She couldn't wait to get to school and see him.

More Suish Stupidity. Hey, that's be a great title for a story... About what, I dunno. But, anyway, this chapter is dumb. Of course, the rest of it is dumb. I'm having such a marvelous time writing this story! And this is my favorite chapter, because it doesn't have anything between Legolas and Faith! Three thousand cheers for this excellent chapter. :)


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Soo... thanks for all the reviews and all that. I'm trying to finish this story, but in Sue fashion, it does need to drag on for longer than expected. Nobody is obligated to read!

Disclaimer: I, obviously, do not own these poor characters that I am torturing. Thank God that Tolkien is in heaven, enjoying eternal rest and beauty, and not on earth, or else I would fear that someday he would discover this and... kill me. Well, not KILL, as I don't think he would KILL anyone. But...never mind.

**Chapter 16**

Rebecca could not believe it. She couldn't believe it! She was on her bed, sobbing. She had run home right after school, flung herself across her bed, and started crying. She'd tried to talk to him, and he'd ignored her! Rebecca Maria had asked him about the note, and he had told her to leave him alone!

And then, a horrible thought came to her mind: Her story. What had she done to her story! She couldn't remember what she had written!Hurriedly she logged onto her computer and scrolled through the files, locating the most recent one. She read it with horror.

No! How could she have done that? No! She had to fix it... somehow... she had to fix it. If Jeff didn't care, so be it! She would still write the greatest story ever!

She went on to look at reviews, and they were all met with more tears and little whimpers.

_LeggysTruLuvv: Tat chappi suked! weares the romense? leggy furgits? no way!_

_LegolasLuvver34: Dude! dum! leggis gon? bing him bck! kthx!_

And so many more! She had disappointed her readers! How could she do that?

Rebecca Maria Elizabeth Carissa Lauren Jennifer hurried to start typing the next chapter, eager to remedy her mistake. It didn't even occur to her to simply take the chapter down and re-write it.

_Chapter 15_

_It was a head injury. When the Orks had captured him, they had knocked his perfect head against a shield, by accident when they were running, and it had caused a minor concussion that was gone within the day._

_He was journeying to find his way back to Faith, not sure where he was or where she was, either. But he would find her. He was certain of it. He would find his wife._

_Within a day's time he had made it back to their final camp. With his wonderful skills at tracking, he followed the obvious footsteps of Faith, not even noticing those accompanying her, clearly the tracks of men and Hobbits, with a Dwarf and a Wizard besides._

_He saw the camp in the distance and immediately spotted Faith, still failing to see the Fellowship. He started running towards her, shouting her name, his heart filled with relief and love until it was almost bursting. _

_Faith imagined she heard her name and looked up. She saw what she thought was Legolas, but immediately the tears came. She was just imagining it! Legolas was dead and gone forever, she felt sure of it._

_It was not until Legolas had run the entire distance and swept her up in his arms that she realized he was real. They kissed and embraced. _

_The Fellowship greeted him with obvious relief, but he was so distracted by Faith that he took no notice of them until nearly half an hour later, when he and Faith had finally tired of kissing._

_"Why, hello my friends! Where did you come from?" He asked with surprise._

_The Fellowship groaned and told him what had happened._

_Legolas and Faith then had a whispered conversation. "Now that we are all together again, my love, you should return the Ring to Froto. One so beautiful should not bear such a heavy burden."_

_"I know, my love." She agreed. "But I would've. At first it was for Froto, but then I thought you were dead, and I determined to do it... for you." They both started crying and kissing, and Faith threw the Ring in the general direction of Froto, who scrambled to get it, relieved. He had feared their Quest was doomed, and had felt like such a failure._

Rebecca leaned back with a contented sigh. There! She had fixed it and her story was wonderful again. She was disgusted with herself for jumping off a building and doing such an awful thing to her story just because of Jeff. But the situation with Jeff still puzzled her. She didn't doubt that he had written the note... it was his handwriting, she was sure. But what had made him do it? Did he really like Lord of the Pings?

Rebecca started thinking about Lindsey again. Of course! Lindsey had bribed Jeff to write that horrible note! It was the only thing that made sense! And... she had probably gotten Jeff to break up with Rebecca too!

Rebecca was angry. Incredibly angry. Her story was wonderful, stupendous, magnificent... why on earth did Lindsey want to destroy it? Rebecca was so confused and angry. And her relationship with Jeff... why did Lindsey want her to be so unhappy?

But it couldn't be anybody else! Lindsey wanted to destroy her life! Lindsey hated her and Rebecca knew it. So she was the logical person to accuse. After all, it was _she _who had screamed at Rebecca for writing the story, it was _she _who had gone on and tried to destroy it, and it was _she _who hated Rebecca and loved the Lord of the Pings more than anything.

She was in such a horrible emotional state that she could barely write any more. She typed up a few quick kissing scenes, saved the chapter, posted it, and ran for her box of tissues. The girl cried, partially because she had just posted a really, really short chapter, and she shouldn't be doing that, wonderful author as she was.

She hated her cousin. She _hated _her. Lindsey was such a freak. Wearing those Lord of the Rings shirt, and _Converse _tennis shoes. Those shoes were _so _five years ago, but Lindsey had no idea. And her hair! But it wasn't only her look that offended Rebecca Maria-it was her personality. She was just a plain, nasty person.

But Rebecca would show her! She would finish her story, and then! A sequel! Of course!

A small grin came to her face at the idea. It was such a splendid idea. And it would work. Eventually, maybe Rebecca could teach Lindsey her tricks of the trade, get her to dress better, and buy her some Orlando Bloom posters.

As Rebecca schemed, Lindsey also schemed. She had to figure something out. Obviously, since her cousin's story had done two 180s in a row, the note that she had gotten Jeff to write hadn't worked. And she had gone to so much trouble about that, too. She was lucky, she supposed, that Jeff actually _was_ a Lord of the Rings fan, and he had broken up with Rebecca of his own volition. For that, Lindsey had praised him heartily.

So deleting the story and files didn't work. Note from the boyfriend didn't work.

The only logical choice was brainwashing, but there wasn't a chance in heaven that Lindsey could ever afford that. And it would be illegal to do without Rebecca's permission. Maybe an 'accident'...

No, no. Lindsey knew she couldn't actually harm somebody. That would stick with her the rest of her life, and the guilt would get to her, just like in Poe's _The Tell-Tale Heart. _No, that wouldn't work.

But she had to figure something out, and she had to figure it out fast. They were leaving for home in a few days, her father had said. She simply had to figure out a plan! She still had a partial plan left over from the Jeff plot-something that maybe could work in this next one. She just had to figure out how.

A/N: I've officially lost it. I have NO IDEA where I am going with this story, I swear. I used to know, I think. But now I have no ideas. Soooo... if any of you lovely reviewers has an idea for Lindsey's plan, it would be appreciated. No violence, though. I need a plan! I've GOT to figure out how to end this story...


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